#302 – Shard

I of course tried jumping off of things with an umbrella. I was convinced that I was falling incredibly slower than I would have normally. “Did you see that? It was like I was floating!” I was mesmerized when we got our first spring loaded self opening umbrella. I opened and closed it all the time… although I don’t recall actually using it in the rain. This same umbrella soon became an awesome defensive weapon that could launch its top half across the room temporarily blocking the vision of your enemy as it opened up into their face.

There’s some funny Biff motivational poster parodys being created in the forum. Check them out.


0 thoughts on “#302 – Shard”

  1. The Phill says:

    Ah the familiar jumping from things umbrella. You should use a beach umbrella it works surprisingly well. Me and some friends jumped off a three story beach house one at a time with the umbrella and landed safely. So it does work. I wonder how much weight a glass umbrella could carry?

  2. SGrahambo says:

    heh, yep. Umbrella’s are fun to play with, but not much fun to use. I always find it such a bother to always have to hold it above my head, so I just shun the umbrella and just let myself be rained on.

  3. mr toasty says:

    Hehe. When my little brother and I each got our own automatic umbrella, we quickly realized they doubled as springloaded extending sticks (just leave the little strap on to hold in umbrella part in :D)

    Good times were had trying to trick each other into putting their face right up the the tip.

  4. Ghostviper says:

    ahh… umbrillas… my arch enemies….

    i always trip over them if i bring it to schooll…. and then they break… and the *smack*

  5. J says:

    my family only ever really had those bigass beach umbrellas. sometimes when i was little i’d bring one to school if it looked like rain, but they were almost as tall as i was, and it usually just ended up drizzling when i had one. that’s probably the root of why i kind of hate carrying the things around these days. that, and i prefer to have my hands free. give me a good hat anyday.

  6. Chuck says:

    I had an Eeyore umbrella. Gloomy ol’ Eeyore for those gloomy rainy days.

  7. Vraptor140 says:

    Were I live it doesn’t rain so much, we may get strong rain sometimes but it’s not common. We still have a small umbrella, I haven’t got to use it.

  8. Micah says:

    I remember on the show Banzai, one of the games involved umbrellas. Basically, there was a bunch of umbrellas with their springs removed and they took turns hold it up to their faces and pressing the release button. The loser was the one that got popped in the face with the umbrella. It was awesome.

  9. CojoinedCows says:

    I always keep whirling my umbrella around when its not raining, pretending to be a kung fu master with some exotic weapon. The fun is well worth the looks from “sane” people.

  10. Elle says:

    I’ve only ever had one umbrella in my life. It had teddy bears on it, and my sister broke it. Needless to say, I didn’t try to use an umbrella as a parachute. I tried to use a plastic shopping bag. Yeah, real smart.

  11. Bob says:

    we had a family umbrella, larg enough to cover a large family, lol, thing was huge. ive got to admit, ive dont the umbrella parachute thing ages ago. as far as trash bags or plastic shopping bags, we tied pieces of string to them and made ghetto kites, really simple design, just get one of those spools of string and tie it to the handles, and wait for wind. some of them got really high, lol, made them at my grandmas house when i was 10

  12. Geez, Biff is going to have soooo much bad luck

    Opening umbrella indoors bad luck + 7 years glass breaking bad luck!

    As if his luck wasnt horrible already

  13. Miranda says:

    I have a umbrella made out of plastic vinyl so I can see through it. It’s also more bell-shaped (if that makes any sense) so I can put my head up inside the umbrella and not worry about getting wet. It also stops all the water from running down my pants.

  14. Macabelle says:

    Macabelles brother jumped off the roof with a tent.

    Not so bad, unless you consider the windows were open inside it.

    And Macabelle’s fortress is a one story house

    And when it didn’t work, he did it again until his mother arrived and beat him.

  15. Mikoangelo says:

    Once, when I got in a fight at school (quite young age, we were) I used such a spring loaded umbrella as a projectile weapon. It was broken, so it could launch itself off of the pole, and I kept the velcro-thingy closed.

  16. Drake94 says:

    My house has like 30 umbrellas… and we never need to use them. We only have them “just in case” it rains. I think we’ve only used them once or twice.

  17. Gobbledegook says:

    I always go for the long, non-collapsable umbrellas… they last longer and are better for fencing with. I’ve always wanted to replace the aluminum tubing with a solid rod of iron or something to make it into an actual weapon, but I’m pretty sure I’d hurt myself somewhere along the line.

  18. Wow… A glass umbrella must look awfully classy and high-toned. Such a pity it broke.

  19. Benj says:

    I don’t think any of the umbrellas I have are useable. It would help,however, if I could find any of them once it started raining.

  20. Eleanor says:

    We had a real spring loaded one, you hit the button and the pole extended *sproing* then you either put it up yourself, or if you flicked and pressed it put itself up. *sproing-fwoomp*

    We had this umbrella that was wider than I was tall, I got blown clear across a field whilst trying to hold onto it. Saved by the hedge from an untimely death-by-road. That’s what we get for living on a hill in England.

  21. Jameson says:

    Them damn glass umbrellas….same thing happened to me last week.

  22. Radical Edward says:

    When I was 14, my father came home one day and told us his company’s softball team broke the rear windshield.

    Still, when glass breaks on you, there’s that 2 seconds within your brain where you scream and curse to yourself (also happens before you break part of your body) and the world seems to slow down.

    Things seem a lot more dramatic when you have a wild imagination.

  23. Random Girl! says:

    A glass umbrella would look amazing!

    It would be annoying to clean after a while, though.

  24. Jenny Creed says:

    A spring loaded umbrella? You’d have to keep it open to not wear out the spring, and then you’d lose the benefit of closing it to save space. Madness.

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