#798 – Malus

When I was a kid I remember there only being two kinds of apples. Red and green (not counting sauce, juice and pie of course). Then as I got older I became aware of many more varieties in different sizes, colors and shapes. I think I find something new in the produce section of the grocery store every year. If I went back in time 50 years I wonder what my selection would be limited to.

Today is very special! It is the first Thursday in July that you can preorder The Book of Biff #4!

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34 thoughts on “#798 – Malus”

  1. mr toast says:

    Don’t do it Apple!! Don’ give in to the large eyebrowed, shirtless man!! Be your own apple!!

  2. linuxxorcist says:

    do-it! do-it! do-it! do-it! do-it!
    Peel! Peel! Peel! Peel! Peel!

  3. Geirskogul says:

    That is a HUGE apple.

  4. Speakerblast says:

    haha, at first I didn’t get it.

    *takes of shirt*

    doooooooo it.

  5. detcader says:

    With legs.

  6. weerd2normal says:

    ah peer pressure, just because biff does it dosn’t mean the apple should do it. this reminds me of my brother daring me to do the stupidest crap. by the way,Geirskogul, i love your avatar

    This… is slightly disturbing. 😀

  8. Sorry about the double post, my brain is an idiot- It kinda puts me in mind of the Fruit robot from Penny Arcade.

  9. Tvae says:


  10. Micah says:

    More like Peel Pressure.

  11. dartigen says:

    I love green apples (Granny Smith’s, usually, but sometimes I will eat tart green cooking apples) but I hate the red ones. I’ll eat them in pie, but that’s it. I have to cut them up though, stupid braces…

    Peel, apple! Peel like you have never peeled before!
    …that didn’t make much sense, did it?

  12. Space Butler says:

    “Come on. DO IT,” urges Biff.


  13. Amanda says:

    It’s all about Honeycrisp.

  14. SoySauce says:

    I think that this is more lazy than quick on Biff’s part. He doesn’t have to do anything but wait until the apple grows a hand and peels itself.

  15. Nilly says:


    Right now my favorite apples are Gala. Taste great with peanut butter and an ice cold glass of milk. <3

  16. Dzelda says:

    Thats…… not….. Oh Biff, why!?!?

  17. Chris says:

    @Geirskogul – Biff is just farther away

  18. angusgangus says:

    I agree with Amanda- I discovered Honeycrisp last year, and there’s no competition!

  19. bamko says:

    well, 50 years ago, most of the apples you would find would be local, and seasonal, because they did not ship them from the other side of the world, nor would they store 11 months, but often you would have more varieties grwon locally. there are THOUSANDS of apple varieties, new ones every year, and old ones lost as well.

    My father has an orchard where he assists in preserving much of the scion (what they call the sticks of tree, which carry the genetic information of the tree, clones if you will. google ‘grafting’). He has thousands of varieties of apple. Most are from over 50 years ago. Fall is a great time there, so many apples to taste…

    Got land? Willing to learn grafting? they need more people to grow them to keep the older var. alive….
    Email me for more info… Kabam41 is username. I use gmail. (or google ‘kabam41’ and find my e-mail.

  20. MY EYES!

    On a side note, LOL.

  21. Hershey says:

    Oh yuss, shirtless Biff. <3

  22. Ziggy Stardust says:

    Every year there’s an event at an apple orchard in Idaloo that I love to go to- they have face painting, hay rides, live music, pony rides for little kids, and they give you buckets on wheels to go pick apples. There’s rows and rows of kinds and kinds, and it’s totally awesome!

  23. Zach Light says:

    That and whatever that one thing is where plants tell what your thinking, *thinks* PEEL YOU DAMN APPLE.

    I’m not much of an apple person, I rather give it to the doctor, or the teacher, then they bite it and realized they just ate a worm, MWAHAHAHAH

  24. Lunakrypt says:

    Almost but not quite ripe yellow delicious apples, sweet with a hint of tart.

    And is that really a red apple or is it just embarrassed?

  25. Matt Lee says:

    @Malachite Dragon

    Don’t worry about the double post. As you can plainly see from the past I do it all the time.

  26. Matt Lee says:

    By the way, when did Biff get a personal trainer? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. Or maybe it’s all those apples.

  27. ZackDark says:

    maskdt totally asked for that one yesterday
    glad that chris cares ’bout us 🙂

  28. sco3tt says:

    At first I was afraid for Biff, I think that apple can get to that peeler before he can.

    Then I figured he could charm his way out of trouble, because he’s apeeling. Ok, that was terrible.

  29. HS says:

    I have three kinds of apples. Raw, juicy and too old. Or green/yellow, red and red with brown spots. The two first I eat, the old ones I leave for others to eat. If there is more to apples than that, I haven’t figured it out yet, and probably never will.

  30. Linzleh says:

    Is Biff or the apple more a-peeling!?

  31. JakJak says:

    @Chris- You need to make it more dramatic!

  32. -2! says:

    @ SoySauce

    That is the quickest way in the Biffverse

  33. hollywoodarknes says:

    in japan the apples are the size of grapefruit

  34. YukiSnowflake says:

    …there are apple trees here in wales that are native to certain islands/cities.
    the local school have been given a tree that was found on an island, the only one of its kind. it obviously isn’t now..
    and, apparently, there’s a type of apple that tastes like cough syrup.
    good for practical jokes!

    and also….
    why is everyone getting excited about naked biff?
    we’ve seen him more naked (*more of him showing*) than this!
    we also know that he sleeps nude (*or is my memory playing up again*)
    and yet, everyone is going on about this.
    then again, that apple sure is lucky it hasn’t got eyes, or it would be scarred for life, most probably… lol.

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