#549 – Snap
Posted on July 11, 2008 at 12:00 am by Chris
Chapter: Comics
Most of those kitchen gadgets that the TV tries to sell me are pretty ridiculous. “Are you tired of spending up to 30 seconds to cut a vegetable into multiple pieces? Just buy this 42 piece gadget that takes only 15 minutes to assemble but will cut carrots in the blink of an eye! Instead of cleaning a knife and a cutting board now you simply just fill the entire dishwasher with the disassembled carrot genie! Cleanup is a snap!”
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Funny how the commercials never mention ANYTHING about those little incy wincy details… But I do love the faces of the actors as they have to feign effort on whatever “problem” the new gadget is suppose to fix…
Sounds like you’ve hand an overdose of Ron Popeil, Chris!
OTOH, I’m sure there’s *some* practical purpose to having a ‘snap-in, snap out’ kitchen floor. Maybe Biff’s into REALLY messy food fights..?
Seriously though, how did people live their lives before the snazomatic?
Fire Extinguisher: Only single-tasker in the kitchen. Unless a burglar happens in.
Hi im barry scott and my house is made of limescale thats why i use cillit bang bang and the dirt is gone
But WAIT! There’s more! call in the next 30 seconds (even though we can’t track when an ad airs) and we’ll triple the amount of garbage we send you!
If that’s not enough, we’ll even send you this other piece of junk we can’t give away on its own! And if you realise how ****y our product is, send it back for nothing in return! Just pay $20 shipping and handling. But keep that free piece of junk, because we don’t want it back!
Heh. There was one infomercial I saw where I would have bought the thing had I had money and been old enough to have a credit card. In essence, it was to hand mixers what a Blendtec Blender is to ordinary blenders.
seriously, i want dish-washer safe kitchen tiles. I’d do my whole apartment with them! (i really would. I’ve stained more carpet in this apartment than I want to pay for, lol)
not-seriously, I LOVE infomercials. Especially when they throw in the knife set for no extra charge…everyone needs more knives…and super-fast onion and cucumber peelers. 😉
So I have a question to Cris about updates. Are you using some kind of automatic system? It seems thath the updates occur every weekday at 8 in the morning here in Sweden.
I’m guessing you are located somewhere in the middle of America (or Canada, eh), due to the time zones.
Or is it perhaps just so that you stay up late to give us a new Biff every day? If so, I applaud your dedication!
That can opener they sold on TV was actually really useful. I didn’t buy it from the TV, though. It eventually appeared in a store.
Amazing! And it cleans off the little bits of cement from the bottom too!
I hate those commercials where the guy shouts at the camera. It started with Oxy Clean and moved on to stuff like insurance.
I don’t know if this happens in just Britain or all around the world but I’m allways mesmerised by JML adverts on instore TVs. I always look for the item that’s advertised but is not for sale and vice versa. Recently I read on a sticker near the bottom of the TVs reading: “NOTE TO THEIVES: this TV can not receive TV signals nor can it be plugged in to a DVD player, games console or anything else.” Which made me think: “If I were a theif I would just steal a bunch of the stuff advertisd instead.” Sorry for the longwinded comment.
There was this one commmercial where the actors chopped a single carrot very dramatically and labourously, then wiped their brows 😀 so this one made me lol. A lot.
Maybe it really was a difficult task for them?
@Samuel from Sweden – I set the comic to go live at midnight in my local time zone. So I guess you are 8 hours ahead of me.
Billy Mays amuses me to no end. Whatever he advertises he’s always yelling.
@Matthew: You made me laugh! I remember seeing the exact same sign on an infomercial TV setup in a Sam’s club… the problem was that the informercial was playing off a DVD player that was obviously plugged into the front of the TV.
I QUOTE
“ordinary cutting can be messy and DANGEROSE…”
The person it showed using a regular knife was wielding it like a drunken infant with terets syndrome.
The only use I see for the ultra-slicer 3000 is for catering companies that need to cut large amounts of food very quickly.
Even then, they have thier OWN tools, But it’s still completely impractical for home use.
@ Chris & Sam from Sweden – I live on the eastern coast and when I post a comment, the time it says it was posted is always an hour ahead of the time here… so I’m guessing you live in the Central Time Zone, Chris?
o no WAIT!!!! It’s an hour behind. Wow I feel like an idiot right now…
Just to let you know, you’ve got an ad up for Vista Antivirus 2008 which, in it’s self, is a virus. (plus the ad it’s self seems to be malicious)
Billy Mayes’ commercials (shouting oxyclean guy). . .second in annoyance only to “smiling Bob” commercials. I am probably lying on one of those counts, in that there might be a commercial I would find even more annoying than “smiling Bob” (no small feat, that.), and someone could probably find another commercial somewhat more annoying than Billy Mayes’ shouting at the camera.
The fancy kitchen products’ commercials, however, I usually find amusing. Especially dishwasher safe tile. <G>
I love Biff’s shnazzy eyebrows and green converse.
Oh, I was wondering what was on the ground for some time now, I only now realized it’s the door to the dishwasher.
Anyone ever see that commercial with the animated cars with one of them saying that she/it’s driving without insurance because they (no, she actually says they, the anthromorphic car who needs insurance on herself, but can’t because she can’t afford it for herself says that THEY are driving without insurance) afford it? That may just be the most annoying commercial ever.
The voice acting on it is horrible to.
Am I the only who turns the volume down when Billy Mays comes on? This is one of those cases where if it’s too loud, you ARE NOT too old! He’s just TOO annoying!
You should have a week of comics that shows Biff and his antics with crap he bought off the TV!
Love these dude, keep at it!
has anyone ever seen the commercial for the product whose sole purpose is to open the clamshell style plastic packaging that is such a gigantic pain to undo unless you have a tool like scissors or a sharp blade? Now instead of using a tool you already own and giving it yet another use thus extending its value, you can spend 15$ to buy this very specific tool that won’t do anything but open clamshell packaging! You’ll never have a nother use for this for the rest of your life and if you ever forget where you put this you’ll just do what you always did and use scissors or a knife!
The best part – it comes to you shipped in a clamshell package. *Twilight Zone music starts playing*
@themanwithsauce
… N-no, I haven’t seen such a thing… but it sounds _scary_. *eyetwitchhere*
@Jayne Squared
I don’t turn the volume down– I change the channel. Auugh, he annoys the heck out of me. Admitedly, I did get a kick out of one of his commercial things… it was for insurance, if I remember correctly.
Makes me think of Oxymoron from Sheep in the big city.
Here those things are even worse. They’re dubbed Dutch, while the original English soundtrack doesn’t get removed. So you have the English and the Dutch sound at the same time, it’s madness!
The worst ad I ever saw was one for “Holy Water”. It suposedly could cure all diseases, poverty and anything else one a human could want fixed. It made a part of me die.
@Mick : They make you feel like you died so you will be tempted to get their holy water xD
I love the magic bullet infomercials, they are actually fun to watch. (The magic bullet looks pretty cool too).