#759 – Tonsor

Marriage is a partnership. You are a team. Together you can accomplish many great things that would be impossible or difficult on your own. For example my wife can now kill spiders using only words. The way this works is that she sees a spider and says “SPIDER!” and then I kill it as quickly as humanly possible. If I am not at home she will call to express to me her disappointment in not anticipating her needs and inquire if perhaps I have some sick time available so that I could leave work early.


36 thoughts on “#759 – Tonsor”

  1. I can imagine it now. The spiders grounded from their de-legging warning them of the mysterious and dangerous Biff monolith…

  2. Speakerblast says:

    Haha, I love looking at the comic, then going down to the blurb and reading “marriage is a partnership”

    I lolled

  3. Shorty says:

    Your story brings to memory a tale involving me, my mom, a cabin, and a bat…suffice it to say, I woke up VERY quickly.

  4. Space Butler says:

    aside from the obvious joke, the first thought that came to my mind was that Biff is hallucinating the spiders on his face. Of course, he whips out some electric razors and ends up shaving off all his…eyebrows.

  5. Fafnir13 says:

    Aw….poor little spiders. Who could ever do such a horrible thing to such adorable little creatures. Those shiny black eyes and twitching mandibles and skittery little legs. Poor little things. :_(

  6. Wolfgang says:

    You’re making my skin crawl describing the pests in such detail.

  7. Flyndaran says:

    My greatest fear is injuring the poor little guys as I shoo them outside. I’m a weanie. I often help earthworms off the sidewalk.

  8. AdmiralChaos says:

    So I guess the question is…has Chris done away with themed weeks? Or is this week just really bizarre?

  9. Iceblade says:

    it’s a week of symmetry, haven’t you noticed?

  10. Ival says:

    Are you daft? The theme is obviously alternate uses for common appliances/gadgets.

    Waffle Iron ironing, blender unscrewing bulbs, electric razors as pest control…

  11. Lisa says:

    I think it’s symmetry week.

  12. MaskedMan says:

    Ah! I see you’ve become a waldo for your wife – her remote manipulators arms, as it were. So, how does it feel to be her robot..? 😀

    As for Biff, well, that’s not terribly practical, but then since when has THAT ever stopped him..?

  13. Chris says:

    @Fafnir13 – hahaha.

  14. Ziggy Stardust says:

    I always feel quite sorry for the spiders. It’s the waterbugs I have no sympathy for, and we tend to get a lot of them in fall. We usually use one of my brother’s old shoes with worn-out soles because they are the biggest(the shoes).

  15. megrimlock says:

    This blog entry is awesome. My wife is the same way except that, instead of yelling “SPIDER!”, she yells “THERE’S A BUG THERE’S A BUG AND IT’S GOT LOTS OF LEGS!!!”

  16. EnviousLuna says:

    I act as the default spider-killer in our relationship- my boyfriend is horribly arachnophobic.

    It’s okay though, I’m scared of nearly everything else (the dark, cars, being trapped, infinity, every horror movie ever, and all the monsters from Silent Hill, to name a few) and he protects me from them.

    Although he did once shove me into a Lying Figure cosplayer. I could have deafened God with my screams.

  17. Colin says:

    At first I thought biff was going to shave his face.
    Then I thought that he thought the spiders WERE his face.
    I think they just mistake his head as their god. I mean, His eyes and brows make up six legs, and his mouth makes up the last two.

  18. Paige says:

    Awesome comic today! Although they are all awesome, this one has quickly become my favorite. My husband and I have a similar partnership in the spider-killing department. He’s the most merciless spider killer ever! 😀

  19. Ival says:

    @Lisa: Yesterday’s comic doesn’t fit with your theory. Only one blender cord, entirely in right side of panel. Design of bulb isn’t symmetrical. Blender handle on right side, none on the left.

  20. Gary says:

    Dual-themed week perhaps? Misuse of household appliances, portrayed in (mostly) symmetrical frames?

  21. Crimson1regret says:

    Chris, what is the theme??

    I’m still going with unconventional uses for common household items week!

  22. Dzelda says:

    Biffs reasoning is akin to the drunken ramblings of a hobo XD

    That Biff, he cracks me up he does.

  23. Iceblade says:

    I guess my theory was that both his hands were touching the same object, in these cases (except that of the blender) it has been symmetrical

  24. no name says:

    Biff-in-a-mostly-symmetrical-position Week!

  25. Radical Edward says:

    I used to live in Monroe, Washington. Since it was a rural area, you were more likely to encounter spiders. I’m afraid of touching them since they bite.

  26. -2! says:

    I am at the cottage for the first time in a long time (since the winter).

    I decided to go down to the lake

    I walked though a spiderweb

    I continued down to the lake paying attention for other spiderwebs

    I reached the lake

    I decided to pull the silk off my face

    I am not a suffer of arachnophobia at all

    Although the irrational fear is believed to have come from the black plague, and so your wife is among many.

    Taking time off work to kill a spider is complete overkill though.

    If you want to freak your wife out Chris it is a fact that you eat about 8 spiders a year.

  27. Gary says:

    If you want to relax your wife Chris it is an urban myth that you eat about 8 spiders a year.

  28. Yuriatayde says:

    OH! I get it now. Biff comics are starting to get a little more obscure, that or I’m getting slower on the pick up. He’s shaving the spiders! Because… their legs, look kinda like hairs.

  29. -2! says:

    @ Gary

    It may be an urban myth, but its still an easy way to freak her out.

    Actually this is probably how it works out to that.

    In some parts of the world people eat spiders (or sometimes they do in survival situations) this could very well work out on a worldwide average to over 8 spiders eaten per person per year.

  30. I don’t really have a problem with spiders (though I do kill them when I see them). My ‘problem bugs’ are stink bugs. I have tons of them everywhere. I opened up my camera case a few weeks ago, and found about ten dead ones in there…. My bathroom is infested with them (I guess because it’s the warmest and most humid room in the house?). There’s always about 15-20 of them in the tub before I take a shower, I scoop them out, dump them in the toilet, get the ones from the walls, and flush them as well. I almost always end up getting dive-bombed by one during my shower, and then it lands in the warm water in the tub, and it starts to *stink* 😛 I have in “indoor bug light” (It’s a UV light with a fan that sucks the bugs into a holding container), but for the most part they ignore it…

  31. Linzleh says:

    Weather week? Torr + vacuums=suck/ Convection + blow dryers=blow/
    Grid + waffle irons=pressure/ Fujita + blender + swirly light bulb=spin/
    Tonsure + shavers=wind sheer. Sad about all those handicapped spiders though…

  32. Reg says:

    Oh wow, I thought the comic was saying that Biff’s eyebrows were actually spiders! But then common sense (is that really the right phrase?) came over me and I realized he was just going to shave off some spider’s legs…
    Great theme this week! I think it was “misuse of common household objects” as everyone else said.

  33. Akusai says:

    I think it’s time biff got a limb hacked off, I myself am missing a finger and laugh extra hard at those

  34. I absolutely refuse to kill spiders, and if asked to kill a spider by an arachnophobe, I will torment them with it any way I can. I’m not a bully…they’re the bully for wanting to kill a harmless and beautiful wild animal. I look down on everyone with this phobia, I accept no excuse for it.

  35. Nevermind the fact that black widows’ venom is potent enough to gank several people with just one drop? 😀

  36. patrick says:

    Just want to point out that my wife is exactly the same Chris, except it’s not spiders, it’s centipedes. We could be in completely separate rooms, and she’ll scream, and I’ll come running. So when I’m at work, she’s also very disappointed with me that I couldn’t ‘save her’

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