#459 – Java

The actual number of hours I sleep don’t seem to have much bearing on how tired I am the next day. In fact, days that I think are going to be horible turn out to be some of my most productive days at work. Maybe being more tired when I go to bed lets my body get into a deep sleep faster so I get a better quality of sleep even though the total time is shorter than normal.


45 thoughts on “#459 – Java”

  1. knight_blazer2004 says:

    You know, I’ve heard of coffee thick enough to warp a spoon, but damn.

    1. Sporkinator says:

      “Only try to realize the truth: There is no spoon…”

  2. knight_blazer2004 says:

    Sorry, I meant thick enough to float a horseshoe in, my bad. That’s about how strong my dad brews coffee. He jokes that when it can float a horseshoe it’s thick enough, and if it can warp a spoon it’s strong enough. Either way, yeeech. I think the best cup of “joe” I’ve ever had was at a hotel. Pretty good, and I don’t even care for coffee.

  3. Heinrich says:

    i’ve seen my cousin make coffee at 3x the intended strength, but it didn’t turn out quite like biff’s coffee.

  4. MoosePhysh says:

    I like making tar at work. Most of my colleagues don’t like my coffee.

  5. stonehydra says:

    how dose Biff keep it from walking away?

  6. Micah says:

    I remember a Simpsons episode where Bart puts a marshmallow into his hot chocolate and it absorbs all the hot chocolate, expanding to fill the cup entirely and he just slices off pieces of the giant hot chocolate marshmallow. That’s what this reminds me of.

    The Micah has laughed.

  7. Nick Steele says:

    I made coffee like that once. It was so dense and dark that it absorbed the light around it. Still searching for that perfect cup…

  8. MaskedMan says:

    I’ve had that coffee. Long story, but it really was chunky enough that a spook was necessary.

    However, on a long, cold mid-watch, it was all we had, so we ate it.

  9. Bullet Fiend says:

    I thought all Biff had to do was unscrew his head and pour it down his open neck :D.

  10. PlutoBum says:

    before i read the blurb that goes with the comic, i totally thought he was slicing a jelly or something

  11. Gobbledegook says:

    I used to hate coffee, then I took organic chemistry. Now it is a staple of my pathetic existance. However, I don;t bother with all that sissy “brewing” nonsense… I prefer to chew my coffee whilst still in the beans. It has absolutely no side effects, eitOHMYGODTTHECOLORSher.

  12. Jackson says:

    Personally, I only drink decaf. I like a warm beverage in the morning, but hot chocolate is twice as expensive as a coffee at the cafe down the street from where I work. And I prefer to keep my system clean from caffeine.

    Biff, on the other hand, has no qualms about better living through stimulants. I figure it’s only a matter of time before he’s buying topically-applied “caffeine cream.”

  13. ali says:

    this is awesome

  14. Seraphine says:

    Can that be patented? I think it
    would be great for drinking in space,
    also in pill form as a suppository.

  15. Magical Nurse Ban says:

    I’m eating some coffee beans right now…no chocolate…justs all bean…it’s good.

  16. Chivalrybean says:

    Does he wash with Shower Shock?

  17. speearr says:

    Now that’s what I’d like every morning!

  18. Shane says:

    Man he makes me look good, I make it strong enough that it is trying to destroy the coffee pot and I swear that it is taking a swing at me every time I put it to my mouth

  19. Nikanaiko says:

    I’ve noticed that every time I look at these Biff comics, I let out a single, short, wheezy “HA.” xD That’s not how I normally laugh, though!

  20. DracoZereul says:

    I can’t stand coffee, to be honest. Every time I’ve ever had it, I’ll put so much sugar and cream in it that it’s hardly coffee anymore. My parents would joke that my cup of coffee was one fourth sugar, two fourths cream, and one fourth coffee.

    Honestly, I have the same problems with sleep. I can sleep for as little as 2 hours to as much as 12, and feel just as tired upon waking up either way. It always seems to be more about the importance of getting up rather than the hours I spent sleeping. Every time I have to get up for something important – school, work, doctor/dentist, etc. – I’ll wake up roughly 30 minutes before the scheduled time and be wide awake within 5 minutes tops. Any other time, I’ll wake up at random times without an alarm, and with one, I can spend anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours just hitting the snooze button, but regardless, I’ll always be groggy for at least 30 minutes after waking up.

  21. Foxfire says:

    I like a coffee. Usually I’ll drink a glass or two in the morning provided I have time. I’ve slowly worked my way from drinking it with cream and sugar to just drinking it black. (well, almost. If it’s a little weak for my tastes I’ll add some sugar to give it a little flavor). Never had any THAT strong though….reminds me of a Garfield comic, where the coffee is holding the cup up.

  22. Beverly says:

    Its nice to know someone else has the same issues I do with sleep. I work an afternoon/evening shift that typically starts at 1 in the afternoon. If I go to bed at 1ish, I sleep until noon, easily, just tapping the snooze button over and over again. But then, sometimes, I’ll have to get up for work at like 6 or 7, or I’ll have an appointment at 9, and I’ll only get 3-4 hours of sleep and I still feel like a zombie the whole day.

    I feel like I should be like that lady in the movie, Amelie, and just get all my sleep at once so that I can stay awake the last 40 years of my life. But, even then, I feel like I”ll be exhausted within minutes of waking up.

  23. trevor says:

    Psycho duck hasn’t posted yet?

  24. PsychoDuck says:

    Happy now, Trevor?

    I just couldn’t think of anything relevant to post, so I didn’t. But now relevance has shown itself, and I accept my duty to post here.

    …don’t bother trying to understand that.

    The Duck Has Spoken.

  25. the Scarf says:

    You should come to the forums. You’d fit right in with Dom and Silf…

    I prefer tea to coffee, but I discovered that my school has a coffee machine right next to the attendance office. I mainly only drink the decaf vanilla latte, a mokechito (or whatever) and this other one that has a strange name, but they’re mostly chocolate or milk…
    I can’t drink straight coffee…

  26. pieman says:



  27. Pat says:

    Something I learned a while ago in the Army is that you are not sleeping for the next day, but the day after. So, if you get little sleep Monday night, you will usually be ok on tuesday. Wendesday is when you really take the hit.

  28. geeklord says:

    Must… Resist… Urge… To try this…

    I am the red shirt in the Star Trek episode of life.
    Live long and prosper.

  29. PsychoDuck says:

    Chris, you must do something about Brawl this week. It demands to be done. NO EXCUSES!!

    Unless you have something else in mind, in which case it’s okay 😛

    The Duck Has Spoken.

  30. Chris says:

    @PsychoDuck – Who?

  31. PsychoDuck says:

    …oh. Okay, nevermind.

    The Duck Has Spoken.

  32. Vessol says:

    Ew that looks like a flan cake or like coffee jello, yuck.

  33. Jayne Squared says:

    Yummy! Reminds me of coffee yogurt I once had.

  34. Gaara1357 says:


  35. MasterMenthe says:

    I use to love coffee.
    But now I can’t drink it.
    My body has developed some sort of intolerance for it.
    So now I am left with two choices: Fall asleep at work, or suffer from severe indigestion and nausea for the next week?

    It doesn’t help that I still love the stuff, though.

    Same problem with Tiramisu. *cry*

  36. Candeseamo says:

    Wow. . .I wonder how that tastes . . .I don’t drink coffee myself. Never really cared for it

  37. greendrag13 says:

    reminds me of making cofee jello. Its really good with whipped cream.

  38. Nero says:

    Reminds me of my preferred brew. I mix in a buttload of cream so that it actually becomes liquid. I still have to do the spoon test on it though.
    1. Hold spoon over cup of coffee
    2. If spoon bends just to get into the coffee, it’s Gewd.
    3. if spoon doesn’t bend, chuck it and get a new pot started.

  39. wisp says:

    i know EXACTLY how biff feels. after my moved in with my dad i figured out why he drinks coffee out of those HUGE ceramic mugs, its because if he used anything lighter it would run laps around the kitchen -_-;

  40. marr965 says:

    My mum likes railway tea. So thick it’s got a crust on it…

  41. Zach Light says:

    augh…man thats got to be a destiny of disaster for your throat, I know certain coffees that taste so bad, it makes your throat shut.

  42. Ziriath says:

    I like his face from this angle.

  43. Tech says:

    A guy once offered me a coffee that “would curl your hair.” I found it weak and under-sugared.

  44. Pix says:

    he has a weird apatite…

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