#373 – Cellar

A few days ago I was brushing my teeth when something flew right at my face. I saw movement and managed to duck out of the way right before it hit me. I turned around to see something so bizarre that at first my brain resolved it to be some sort of miniature dragon hovering in the bathroom. After a few moments I realized that a giant black moth had flown down from the attic and was trailing a thick 18 inch long strand of cobwebs. I stood there mesmerized as it floated silently, it’s long serpentine tail rippling as it bounced up against the ceiling. Then I smashed it against the wall with a magazine and went to bed.

The books are here and orders are shipping out. A reminder to those that were part of the preorder, if you have moved recently please send me your new address so that Biff can find his way to his new home. 🙂


0 thoughts on “#373 – Cellar”

  1. Sleepingorange says:

    Blech, do I know about cob-webs like that… Back in TAY-xas, we had spiders the size of mini-vans.

    PS: It’s spelled cellar, i believes.

  2. Beet says:

    Biff, in the attic, with the machete..

    Oh wait, wrong game. Looking at that, I’d hate to see the size of the spiders there, have fun Biff!

  3. Bob says:

    Aww, you smushed the moth. I like em when they sit on my wall, just being big and fuzzy. On the wall outside that is.

  4. Mewtroid says:

    Ew, moth. Ew, cobwebs.

    Also, it’s spelled cellar

  5. Bunnyman says:

    I believe I mentioned this a while ago, but we had a giant moth in here a few months back. About the size of my palm with its wings out, its body was as long as my palm alone. From what I hear it had giant orange eyes and an acorn-shaped (and sized) body. I didn’t see it until it was killed and dragged outside, but if I saw it (or a moth with a long trail of cobwebs) alive, I would run away screaming like a little girl with my arms flailing and hide under my covers for the next three hours.

    Severe fear of insects…

  6. Elle says:

    I like moths. Last summer a moth found its way into my room, it was black and white. I called it Ashford. Ashford stayed in my room for a day, then I noticed it bashing itself against the window so I took it outside. It flew back onto my shirt, then flew away. Ashford was a nice moth.

  7. SEA says:

    Hate to admit it, but i agree with Bunnyman…I would definately run away as fast as i can =p

    Yes,i have a VERY servere fear of insects bigger than an ant o_o’

  8. Charlotte says:

    Heh, I hate it when insects come into my room, particulary wasps. Moths aren’t as bad as they can sit still on the wall for hours and don’t bother me, but noisy insects that move around either get shooed out the window or flattened (The latter is usually reserved for stupid crane flies)

  9. Nick Steele says:

    Damn it all, i’ve got a wasp’s nest just under my window on the outside.
    They’ve resisted all attempts to get rid of them, too, soon we’ll hae mutant wasps of death!

  10. Kayru says:

    *laugh* The way you told that story was just beautiful. Blegh, moths. I hate them.

  11. Bob says:

    Hey nick, get a water hose and just drown em, angle it so it points at the hive, and turn it on from a safe distance, and while theyre drowning, your inside all safe and sting free.

  12. Gobbledegook says:

    Ugh. Hate spiders with a passion.

    Nick: Lighting a fire under under the nest also works wonders, but you have to be careful not to light it too close to the house. Make SURE you have a hose handy. The wasps will never go near the hive again, since it smells like smoke, and you can remove it at your leisure.
    Granted, lighting things on fire is my standard approach to most problems… I may not be the best person to give this kind of advice.

  13. MaskedMan says:

    Wrong tool for the job, Biff. For giant mutant cobwebs, you want a flamethrower.

  14. BadMan says:

    You could have Biff try to get rid of a wasp’s nest next.

  15. Gobbledegook says:

    My wife is insectophobic… even houseflies scare the bejeebus out of her; she thinks of nothing but getting away.
    Kinda dangerous, really: she almost crashed our car when a wasp somehow got sucked in the window while we were on the highway. We pulled over and I had to hold her down to keep her from running blindly into traffic.
    I think if she saw Chris’s moth she’d go catatonic.

  16. Johel says:

    I love how you end the comment of it’s majestic flight by mentioning you squashed it and went to bed. hilarious!

  17. Seraphine says:

    I hate spiders. They scare the spit
    out of me. I won’t go in the attic
    because of them, or under the house.

  18. Charlie says:

    Aww…. you killed the moth? I mean, you destroyed it? I’m working on an insect collection–next time you should toss it in some tuppermaid or something, and put it in the freezer, instead of smashing it. Then mail it to me.

  19. Foxfire says:

    Most bugs / spiders don’t really bother me….excpet Bees / Wasps. Don’t care what it is, I want it away from me ASAP, be it by sqaushing or other means. ‘Course….now that the city’s kinda grown around where I live (used to kinda be the boonies) we don’t get them all the often….no, we get field mice instead, which are another story entirely.

  20. Megatron says:

    Did it feel good crushing the bug…Did you feel the power of control of life and death in your hands….Feel the Power Be one with the power….Then take over the world

  21. Nikanaiko says:

    D: You squished my favorite kind of bug. I bet it looked pretty too. *sniffle*

  22. me says:

    i hate it when bugs get in the house one time when i was a kid there was a fly in the house so i locked myself in my room and stuffed some stuff in the crack beneath the door only to find that it was flying around my room the whole time

  23. Mr. Son says:

    Aww… Poor moth. It was just trying to ask for help getting the cobwebs off.

  24. Eldarwen says:

    And he actually dares to go further? I don’t want to see the spiders that made those webs, I have severe arachnophobia, I get all paranoid after seeing one spider.
    Bugs don’t bother me as much, if they stay out of my way, fine. Still won’t really want to pick them up.
    Never squish them though, leaves nasty splodges and I don’t want that really.

  25. Pickles says:

    The only insect or insect like thing that has ever scared me are spiders. Wasps and all that don’t even bug me. (hahaha, someone had to say it eventually,) One time I was doing math homework and left the room for a minute and when I came back the biggest spider I’ve ever seen in my life (Even now, several years later) was sitting on my math text book. Naturally, I screamed like a little girl. This, much to my surprise, totally freaked out the spider which then ran away. We never caught it. I was afraid to sleep in my room or… house… for a while after that until I was sure it wasn’t coming back.

  26. A Captain says:

    Biff should’ve been in Lord of the Rings. He would’ve taken Shelob down in no time flat.

    While we’re not on the subject at all, is there any way you can exert control over the Project Wonderful ads on your site, Chris? I’m really friggin’ tired of looking at the ugly tits and ass of that Pinky Tits And Ass comic. (It’s a war comic! A war comic which is sexy! Did I mention it was SEXY? It’s even in the name! TA! lol!!! geddit?!?!)

  27. Andrew says:

    They LET Biff have a machete? Yeesh…

  28. dan says:

    Honestly, isn’t a machete far less dangerous than most thing Biff owns? Biff is far more likely to die in an accident involving cinnamon than one with a machete. The reason is simple: there’s nothing that isn’t a danger to Biff, but he knows better than to play with machetes. Cinnamon, on the other hand, seems benign.

  29. connman says:

    My step mom had a large weaverspider that would hang out around the shower head, and although she was scared of it at first, she grew to like him, and he stayed there, just killing other bugs. She called him steve. He lived there for about 7 months, until one day, when they had guests over, a friend walked out of the bathroom. “Hey bobbie, there was a HUGE spider in your shower, but dont worry, I took care of it.” then hands him the magazine used in the brutal killing.

  30. Graceofbass says:

    I got bit by what Idahoans call a hobo spider over the summer. My ankle swelled up so bad I couldn’t walk on it and the doctor gave me enough antibiotics for a horse. I’m luckly it didn’t turn necrotic, I suppose. But I do not like the hobos.

  31. Robot Panda says:

    Elle, Ashford reminds me of my own moth buddy. He was very small and white. I named him Bob. He liked my sketchbook. I liked him. He didn’t move a lot. Later, he decided to fly off, and my sister’s cat got him.

    I miss Bob.

  32. AVEENA says:

    Whenever someone talks about bugs i get itchy…Then i go sit in a chair that gives me the position to see any creepy crawlies…its silly, that much is true but at least i wont get bitten!

  33. kiwi says:

    I like spiders. Anything that eats those annoying flying insects is ok by me. My last spider experience was a teeny tiny one I found crawling on my arm. I watched it crawl around on my hand and wrist for a while before depositing it on the side of the couch. Most girls wouldn’t do that.

  34. Pom Rania says:

    Ugh, Shelob. I’m an arachnophobe; whenever we watch Return of the King, and it’s that part, I’m curled up in the corner with my hands over my eyes, whimpering and asking if it’s over yet.

  35. biggo says:

    I just have to agree with kiwi: if it kills flying bugs, it’s my friend. Plus, spiders are beautiful, the bigger the better.
    Meh moths, not my favourites but I don’t think I’d bother to squash one. Wasps, mosquitoes, flies, anything with a sting: KILL KILL KILL. I actually have an electric racquet to zap ’em.
    Bees are great though; hey, they make honey and that’s enough. I leave some honey around in the harvesting season, it’s Red Bull for the bees. Except they don’t need extra wings, of course.

  36. Trypno01 says:

    The insects in my old area of northeast texas used to be absolutely huge. Crunch a spider underfoot and you’d swear you could feel bones breaking in the thing.
    The most amazing bug I ever saw was when my family and I came home one night to find a giant moth, easily the size of a dinner plate or larger, resting on the wall just under our porch light. I did some research and found that those moths are only found in tropical regions. I guess our house attracted tropical things because we even had vines of wild jasmine growing atop our carport.
    Though I think that large moth may be the reason my little brother now has an irrational phobia of moths…he was just about 6 or 7 when we discovered that thing.

  37. ThatSomethingGuy says:

    Speaking of Moths, how’s this for a little fun:

    Hold up your thumb. Take a look at it. Now, imagine the length, and width of that thumb was the body of a moth. A big, beautiful, green moth. Seriously, the Puriri Moth of New Zealand is that big.

    The first time I met one, I was absolutely shocked. It’s more like some odd bird than a moth at that size.

  38. Gotora says:

    Let’s see, my last apartment actually didn’t have any insects, only spiders. Hobo Spiders which have a particularly painful bite. Also, there were LOTS of them. I would usually see one cruising across the living room carpet at a healthy pace, and I’d then catch it with the aid of a sheet of paper, then depositing it in a large jar. After about a month, there was probably 15 of these large specimens there and then I found it. The mother of hobo spiders everywhere. It was freakin massive. It’s abdomen was probably the size of a dime and its leg span was at least four inches. It was the first one to take dominance in the jar and build a web and such. Then my brother found the jar and shook it really hard, killing all the inhabitants… tragic, really.

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