#1169 – Prescribe

The internet has created millions of amateur doctors. It seems so easy to type a few symptoms into a search engine and think you know what is happening to your body. It’s very frustrating when you think you have it all figured out and then go see an actual doctor that debunks all your research. “Well there’s nothing wrong with your ankle but you do have pneumonia so drop your pants and tell me which cheek you want the shot in.”


24 thoughts on “#1169 – Prescribe”

  1. MaskMan says:

    I work in the parma industry the amature ‘know-it-alls’ whom actually have no bloody idea what they’re talking about are insanely annoying. And yeah, the internet is the medium by which they come by their pseudo-knowledge.

    I’m tempted to vist that doctor’s office and load that syringe up with chloral hydrate…

  2. Tjovian says:

    I love how the online services ask you to select your symptoms and the results are always so extreme. I could have either syphilis & HIV, an aneurysm, cervical cancer (even though I’m male and I already told them that), a stubbed toe, or a middle ear infection. If a doctor gave the same diagnoses, he’d get sued for malpractice.

  3. Gwid says:

    That had me laughing. Aloud. For ages. I like this one. A lot.

    I tend to avoid using the internet when I want to diagnose myself. I have dictionaries and memory.

  4. ZeoViolet says:

    Oh I knew I was right when I went to the doctor thinking I had bronchitis on Monday….yep I was right, just add to that severe sinus infection and serious asthma flare for someone whose asthma rarely is more than an annoyance.

  5. biggo says:

    Haha. This one made me laugh out loud .-D

  6. dartigen says:

    My diagnoses are of two varieties: ‘this doesn’t need a doctor’ and ‘this probably needs a doctor’.

  7. Baughbe says:

    According to the internet doctor, I’ve been dead for 6 months. So that’s what that smell is.

  8. Anon says:

    I did quite literally laugh out loud at this. For several moments.

  9. MaskMan says:

    That made me laugh a good one.

  10. Dawnieangel76 says:

    I had a lump behind my ear that required an MRI. It turned out to be a calcium deposit. However, while they were scanning me, I heard them say “oh, what’s this?”…almost giving me a heart attack, because really, who wants to hear THAT?…and turned out I had a golf-ball sized lump on my thyroid. That required surgery to remove half of the gland. So yeah, DON’T self-diagnose, folks.

  11. Cari says:

    I went to the doctor last summer for severe pneumonia. Since the office was next to the hospital, a PA took me over to the ER. He and my husband spoke to the nurse about my illness. Her first question to me was “when was your last bm?”

  12. Wizard says:

    @Baughbe: It once took a nurse ten minutes to find my pulse, so I never rule out the possibility that I’ve died and just haven’t noticed it yet.

  13. Radical Edward says:

    I thought my day couldn’t get any worse. Today was a regular medicine check at my therapist’s office.

    Got the blood test results. I’m anemic (no duh there, I descend from anemics) and my cholesterol and triglycerides are off the charts.

    Part of me feels like I should be more proactive than anything. Still, it probably can’t get any worse than this!

  14. jmkool says:

    NEVER SAY THAT!!! Seriously, do you have a death wish or something?

  15. RockinRico says:

    I’m glad of being spanish for the health system, it’s free and works well. Everything couldn’t be wrong on my country!!
    Still i hate moving to the health center so some months ago i had a little lump in my throat and internet told me it was an evil cancer and death was coming to reap me out…. it just was an infection caused by a bad flu….

  16. YukiYukimura says:

    He looks like he just overheard something he shouldn’t have.
    He kinda looks like he’s thinking “eww eww eww eww eww”
    …who knows what the doctors and nurses get up to when noone has an appointment?
    …my mind lives a la gutter.

  17. Elfe says:

    I rarely get ill, but i get pains quite a bit.
    Most often they are just the kind of pain you get cause you are mentally feeling bad. Not a lie to get out of an uncomfortable situation, but an actual pain that forms BECAUSE you dont feel well. But I also get an Ankle ache when i have to do my maths homework. A REAL ankle ache, just no one believes me, cause they all think its an excuse.

  18. Karen says:

    What’s worst is the people who diagnose themselves, go to the doctor, hear it’s something different and totally rational, then REFUSE to believe the doctor (who has years of training and experience), deciding that the Internet is right, the doctors are all cranks, and the government is trying to kill them with genetically modified foods and fluoride in the water.

    I actually know a woman like this. She’s otherwise lovely, but is convinced that the government is trying to kill us all with TEH EVIL CHEMIKALS ZOMG!!1!

  19. RockinRico says:

    @Karen The illuminati are doing all that stuff… It’s a plan for… something evil…

  20. Zolen says:

    It’s the evil plan to make everyone have exactly one extra hair, and that hair is to grow out of the eye!

  21. Radical Edward says:

    Not really, because most of the time…everything turns out good in the end.

    I’ve been eating salads and pasta with tomato sauce. And yet, I think I done better now that I’m able to eat tomatoes again. Turns out that allergic reaction to tomatoes was nothing more than a panic attack.

  22. Lynn says:

    I think self-diagnosing is appropriate only when you have a school background in biology/sciences, you have a good understanding of how the body functions in all ways, and you are not prone to picking worst-case-scenarios.

    I’ve been terribly ill for years, and I have managed to weasel out a few things that my doctor hadn’t thought of. More impressively, I was right about them. People need to stop using WebMD and other symptom checkers for more than a springboard of POSSIBLE issues and related issues.

  23. YukiYukimura says:

    @Zolen – …then why do I have TWO hairs growing out of my eye, then?

  24. Kamorth says:

    Sometimes self diagnosing can be a good thing. A little over 3 years ago, I was told I had pulled a ligament in my knee. My entire leg was put in a solid brace and i was told to wear it 24/7 for the next couple of weeks. I wasn’t satisfied with this, so I consulted the internet and came to the conclusion that I had water on the knee. A little over 3 months ago I finally found a doctor who believed the internet diagnosis and performed an aspiration, removing almost 100mLs of bloodless fluid from under my kneecap. It took about 15 minutes and i haven’t had a single problem since. 3 years of pain and a lot of government money would have been saved if they’d listened to me, and I might still have the career I was doing so well in when I was 25. Not being able to stand for more than 20 minutes at a time is a bit of a hindrance to bar tending.

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