#421 – Lighter
Posted on January 15, 2008 at 12:00 am by Chris
Chapter: Comics
I’ve had some recent experiences with doctor’s offices and scales. It got me thinking about actively trying to influence the result. I wondered what I could do in a situation where I was looking for a higher weight. I wonder how much of a difference it would be if I tried to not go to the bathroom for a long time and then eat a huge meal in the car right before going in. I wonder how much weight a professional eater could put on in a situation like that.
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Where can I buy some of these helium grapes? You see, I have a physical coming up…
The Duck Has Spoken.
Biff must be taking his New Years resolutions seriously – he’s definately looking a lot scrawnier than he used to look… Hey, Biff! It ain’t the Helium Grapes! You need to hit the gym, put a little muscle on!
I betcha all the women in the world would love to buy helium grapes right now (or at least their husbands… or some cruel marketer…).
My brother has a toy moose that eats helium sandwhiches. And it flies.
My brother is 10.
I think only you would think about actively making yourself weigh more just for kicks. Although… I can see myself doing the same. I myself have a tendency to laugh and enjoy what most people see as bad things (horrible grades to be specific).
GR
Professional boxers and wrestlers (the Olympic kind, not the vapid WWF kind) and just about any professional fighter who needs to fit in a certain weight class will typically maintain a weight just above their weight class. Then, right before weigh-in they will effectively dehydrate themselves, spitting, sweating, and pissing away as much as 5 pounds of fluid in order to hit the desired weight class. Gum, actually, is an extremely effective tool for fighters to collect and expel saliva.
The exception to this rule is sumo wrestlers, who instead tend to bulk-up on carbs (usu. rice) before fights.
Biff has great taste in underwear.
I wonder what helium grapes taste like…
Oh man, I wish.
Helium grapes would have been a great thing to have in PE finals, when they see how much weight you’ve lost.
(They still would be.)
@ PsychoDuck:
you can purchase helium grapes from the following stores: dorimus’s great big shop, the wonderful world of helium, the shop with no name just off a large road near you, the bookshop of biff, and many chellium stores
Does Biff grow the food himself or does he buy it from somewhere?
Bleah, I could never eat helium grapes. I’d cough them right back up. Not to mention they’d already be tough to swallow.
How does Biff get the grapes to stay in the bowl?
@weldmeshut
The bowl is upside down and on the ceiling.
where did he get helium grapes?! that’s hilarious
Do you think those grapes affect his voice?
I’d eat those right before going to work and have a ball.
If you weigh yourself before bed, before going to the bathroom, then weigh yourself after you get up in the morning after going to the bathroom, you can fluctuate your weight as much as 5 lbs. At least, that’s been my experience.
The grapes don’t affect his voice, as they go down to his stomach, and the oesophagus’ output is above the larynx. They could get him burp great-time, though XD
Is Biff losing weight?
He looks really sexy
in purple boxers. 🙂
I, for one, had over 9 lbs. of coffee, soymilk, tea, and soda at one lunch (in addition to a coupla pounds of food), on top of 140 lbs. So you could easily get 10-15 lbs. above normal in a jiffy. Along with the 5 lb. loss from normal mentioned earlier, you’re looking at 20 lb. fluctuation over the course of a few hours, for an average guy.
Peanut butter is good for bulking up, I’ve heard. Somebody at my high school a few years ago was eating jars of the stuff at a time to get higher in his weight class for wrestling, since he was a bit on the lean side and didn’t want to be at a disadvantage. He literally came into bio with a jar of peanut butter and a spoon. It was disgusting and fascinating at the same time.
So eat a jar the day before you go to the doctor’s to help mess with it. XP
I’ve found that I tend to fluctuate about 5-10 pounds between weighing myself in the morning, all empty and stuff, and then before I sleep.
And then, when my mom had to get a colon check, she lost about 15 pounds.
I want helium grapes…Hey, do they grow them in carbon dioxide, too? We’d have some great sparkling grape juice…
Peanut butter is good cause its got a lot of protein.
My dad is actually currently trying to gain weight. He recently broke his arm, and now he’s under the norm. He’s eating a lot more than he normally would, and it’s helping.
I weigh myself in the morning, just before going to the bathroom, and just after. I tend to lose 3-4 lbs easily.
I don’t think it would do much to ask where he got those grapes… Maybe my previous year of studying biology and now learning chemistry will enable me to solve this!
I once weighed myself before and after an all-you-can-eat dinner, and compared my weight gain with my two brothers. I consumed the most food (not including that which didn’t stay down) at 4.2kg gain.
Helium grapes? Meh. Helium apples are better. They’re bigger, taste better, and are just cooler. Too bad there’s more helium so you tend to be a bit puffier and lighter though =P
Biff? Eating helium-infused grapes won’t make you lighter…but you’ll be dizzy as hell if you burp.
All I can think of is the line from the MythBusters’ “Lead Balloon” experiment…
ADAM: Oh boy, I’m getting dizzy.
I see that Biff has a thing with fruit and unconventional uses.
I read something about a girl who was bulimerexic (yes, both bulimia and anorexia),and what she did to fake out her doctors for her weekly weigh in. First of all, she drank tons and tons and tons of water and held it.
She lived in Minnesota, so of course she wore a lot of clothing layers. And then she’d start loading up. Multiple heavy sweaters, cans of cokes in the baggy jeans, small books in the kangaroo pouch of sweatshirts, probably some rocks, too. She’d wait until she got weighed in, waited a few minutes so they wouldn’t figure her out, and asked to go to the bathroom to pee off all that water.
What was worse was the fact that her doctors had specific instructions from a treatment center she’d been to a year ago NOT to weight her in street clothes, only in a hospital gown, and to check her urine weekly to see if she was water-loading before appointments. Finally, at some point, they got around to checking her urine, and it was so diluted, it almost didn’t qualify as urine.
Of course, later on when she went to college, still anorexic, her parents told her to make sure to see a doctor. She saw one once. She correctly assumed that he,like most doctors who didn’t know much about eating disorders, wouldn’t give her any hassle. She did outright tell him she was in “recovery” from anorexia, and he apparently took her at her word, even though her blood pressure was nonexistent, and when he weighed her, she was about 82 lbs. She still, to this day, can’t figure out how he fell for that.
She didn’t start actually recovering until her weight went below 50 lbs. She was I think 20 when that happened. She’s alive, barely, with serious heart problems, a perforated esophagus (from the puking), damaged bowels (from laxative abuse), is completely sterile, and has serious mental issues, too.