Towel Day '09

Sorry for the double post, but this deserves it's own.
I used to be part of a H2G2 guild, and we had a thread, 1001 uses for a towel. I compiled all of the suggestions into one thing and got rid of most of the doubles, and I've had it on my computer ever since.

A Number Of Uses for a Towel
1.Wrap it around yourself for warmth
2.Sunbathe on it
3.Sleep on it
4.Sail a mini raft
5.Hand to hand combat
6.Wrap it around your eyes to avoid the gaze of n00bs (who are much like the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal)
7.Wave it when you are in distress
8.Dry yourself off with it
9.Wipe off snow or rain from a chair for somewhere dry to sit
10.Roll it up for use of a pillow
11.Whipping the bartender until they are knocked out so you don�t have to pay the bill
12.Shove it down your sibling's throat so (s)he can't make any stupid insults...
13.You could cut it up and use as a mat to frame pictures.
14.When you've been hitchhiking too long and you're getting quite sweaty and smelly, you can shove it under your armpits.
15.Impressing the person of your dreams by showing them you know where your towel is.
16.You could make a diaper out of it. o__o;; I mean, if you wanted to.
17.A hat for blinding sun or rain.
18.use it to protect your face in a sandstorm
19.break open steam pipes, so you don't actually have to touch them.
20.Wear it around your head as a mask to scare away enemies.
21.Stuff it in your ears to avoid listening to Vogon poetry.
22.A flag
23.A toga, incase you happen to jump into Roman times
24.To hail a passing starship
25.To wrap around a brick, so you can easily bludgeon whoever just insulted you
26.Use it to shimmy up a tree to avoid chatty mattresses
27.Covering your face so you don't have to see what you're doing
28.Getting something from someone that you "accidentally misplaced" while hitchhiking halfway across the galaxy.
29.Storing nutrition in the fabric itself.
30.A scarf
31. You can use a corner as a paintbrush
32.If you wet it, you can use it as an electrical conductor.
33.Lend to younger sister for covering her face when scary preview comes on in the theatre,
34.Put under knees if you have to kneel on a hard-wood floor
35.As a blanket when camping out hobo-style waiting for movies to come out.
36.Strangling people that are really stupid, such as Hilary Duff.
37.Taking to the movie with you, of course!
38.To cover your eyes during the movie while they take painful liberties.
39.Entertainment value (sneak up on people and whack them)
40. If something smells bad
41.Fashion statement
42.Protecting your modesty if all of your clothing suddenly and unexpectedly hops to the right.
43.If you had enough of them you could use it to cushion your fall after drinking one too many pan galactic gargle blasters.
44.You will always need a towel after meeting Eccentrica Gallumbits.
45. Depending on whether or not it's the right sort of towel, you could use it as a sort of parachute.
46.Various disguises
47. A towel can be used as a whole bed!
48. Bandaging wounds
49.If you have enough towels, you can tie them together to make a rope for climbing out of windows and such.
50.As a red cape when your Bullfighting
51.Opening the lids of jam jars that are stuck
52.As a staple-deflector
53.Stealing food from your friends' house
54.Cheering for your favorite team
55.Keeping your hair out of your eyes
56.As a net to try and stop the zombie ninja monkeys.
57.Use it as a turban.
58.To supplies passing androids and hold them still whilst you reprogram them.
59.As a kerchief.
60.As a cape to fool people into thinking you're a superhero while flying.
61.To inform others of your Adams-worshipping status.
62.To place on top of a puddle while being polite to a lady.
63.To wrap around any sensitive electronic material so it doesn't break. Like the electronic thumb.
64.To soak in chloroform and kidnap people
65.A makeshift bag to carry your guide and anything else you need.
66.Fight off Vogons so you can lock the gate.
67.Whap your brother until he turns off the radio talking (INCORRECTLY!) about the movie or book.
68.Threatening annoying little brothers who have not read the book but insist on shouting out "42!" as loud as possible.
69.Holding it in front of you to block brick like things being hurled at you.
70.Using it as a slingshot to kindly return thrown objects to their owner's face.
71.If both the marker and towel are washable, and you don't have a piece of paper, you can write stuff on it (but I can't see why you'd want to).
72.As a makeshift parcel
73.As a makeshift bindle
74.As a net to catch Babel Fish...
75.You can put it on top of a huge whole and put sand and sticks on that whole as a disguise then people would fall in
76.To polish your bass guitar (if it's clean)
77.To carry hot plates
78.As inspiration for a flash cartoon
79.A gift wrapper
80.A thing to put on a tiger and make it disappear like in the circus
81.You can deter bullets out of their path if you are good enough by swinging the towel at them
82.You can sit on it if you must sit on the ground outside and you don't want to get your pants dirty.
83.If you lie down on it, it makes lying down in front of bulldozers much more comfortable.
84. To tie things together
85.To distract others, while your partner in crime grabs their wallet.
86.Then as a nice bag to return it.
87.Use it to clean yourself with.
88.If you get whacked on the head use it to wrap around the ice pack so it won't be as cold.
89.Use it to catnap cats.
90.Use as a blindfold when your Peril-sensitive sunglasses don't work
91.A make-shift lasso
92.Wrap someone up in it and throw it off a bridge.
93.Using it to hold your place in line for Star Wars the night it opens, while you're in the parking lot having a light-saber fight.
94.Tying it around your neck as a cape to swirl around you in a light-saber fight.
95.To shield yourself from the sun while your friend insists on baking her brains out.
96.To cool down on a hot day by dipping in water and wrapping around oneself
97.Use it as a parachute if you somehow fail to miss the ground.
98.As a make shift outfit when you find out someone went to prom in the same dress you wore that the shopkeeper swore you were the only one to ever have.
99.Conversely, to use as a weapon/strangling mechanism on the same female, since she stole it anyway and deserves to die.
100. Or you could dip your towel in a stiffener to sneak up on the person that sold it to you and whack them hard for being a liar
101. To use as a basket when your other one breaks
102.To dry off wet dogs so they stop smelling like, well, wet dogs.
103. Makes a commutable nest for any small pets you own.
104. To block up a leaky window
105. To make a fool of yourself while trying to attract a Perfectly Normal Beast.
106. To protect your eyes from being blinded by the bright light shimmering off of the water as you skip along in your presidential speed-boat
107. Use it to hide your Marvin miniature from annoying small 3 year olds who desperately want to ‘Borrow it’
108. Use it to clean up the mess you made when you spat out a liquid that was almost, but not quite, exactly unlike tea.
109. If you have a few towels to spare, light it on fire. However, that would be bad for the towel.
110. Making breaking up sounds when going over your cell phone minutes.
111.Use it to wipe rain off of one's bicycle seat.
112.Use it to wrap around one's library books to protect them while biking home from the library in the rain.
113.To try and soundproof doors, so you don't wake up the rest of the floor while watching Bill Bailey
114.A makeshift umbrella when you can't get your cast wet.
115.Wrap it around your head when someone is about to tell you bad news- it blocks the ears.
116.Wrap it around a casserole dish to keep it warm on the way to a party.
117.Going beyond soaking in nutrients- some species will find it a tasty treat.
118.Perfect camouflage if you ever find yourself needing to hide in a towel cabinet.
119.Quieting noisy screaming birds by merely placing it over the cage.
120.You could take some towels on their last leg and make a new one.
121.You could hold it over your head if you were trying to hide from a satellite.
122.You could use it to hold on to a zip line for a quick get-away.
123.Use it to make modern art! Towel origami, anyone?
124.If painting isn't your style, flick paint on the canvas with it for a splatter effect.
125.Use it to clean up the mess after doing 124.
126. Heck, you can use the towel as the canvas!
127.To make your very own ninja suit
128.Fan yourself off with it.
129.(You need two towels for this). Threaten your friend with one towel and then force them to fan you with the other.
130.Throw it at your cat for some brief but entertaining fun.
131.Use it to mop up vomit if you throw up when pissed out of your mind
132.Mop sweat off your face when you are attending a wedding at an ancient, air-conditioning-less church.
133.Wipe off your hands, which are sweaty due to the state of the aforementioned church, so that you can play music without your sweaty fingers slipping and dropping the instrument.
134.If you are wearing a tuxedo and spill soup on your cummerbund, simply find an appropriately colored towel and wrap it around your midsection for a cheap and easy replacement.
135.Fend off swarms of mosquitoes with it.
136.Place it over a light to dim it without turning it off.
137.Use full for sliding along grappling cord spy style.
138.Use the towel as an oven mitt for hot meals fresh from the oven.
139.Wrap it around your head to keep the non-invasively challenged aliens from reading your thoughts.
140.Throw it out of a second story window so that it lands directly on your love's head, confusing them, causing them to fall, and keeping them from leaving you for once again not putting the toilet seat down.
141.To kill or poke bugs that has been killed.
142.To clean off your desk when you're too lazy to actually get up and move the things from the desk to the floor.
143.Use it as a mattress in your room in case your mattress twitched
144.Put it over the computer screen when your computer refuses to shut off and the light from the screen is keeping you awake
145.Chewing on it whenever you feel you have to bite your nails to break your habit.
146.Smoke it.
147.Wipe your forehead during surgery
148.As a temporary splint/cast/bandage
149.When cleaning your room, to dust/wipe the surfaces that we previously obscured by objects
150.To dust off said objects while re-arranging your room
151.When used in conjunction with the right chemicals, to clean your CD’s and DVD’s.
152. To brag to your friends that your towel is better than theirs.
153. " " " " Neighbors " " " " " " "
154.� Family "
155." Complete strangers "
156.To hit someone in the head for over-using the same as above
157. You can tie the 4 corners together and use it to carry your stuff it while hitchhiking the Galaxy.
158. It can be used as a cape to imply your importance to primitive planets.
159.Sit on it while having a picnic.
160. Or sit on it while at an outdoor concert that is lacking seats.
161. Do yoga on it.
162.Pretend it's a flying carpet.
163.Use it to muffle your screams when you get frustrated playing the text adventure game.
164.Dye it black and tie it around your upper arm as a mourning band. (Also for use on Towel Day)
165.Use it to complete your awesome ford prefect Halloween costume
166.Use it to throttle yourself endlessly in an attempt to be similar, in some way, to the Simpson’s.
167.Use it to keep yourself from slipping in a slippery shower that is lacking a mat.
168. As a hair band (but you'd need a relatively thin towel).
169. Mosquito netting.
170.I wonder if anyone has tried to make a satchel out of towels... that would be cool...
171. Err... curtains?
172.An umbrella!
173.As something to sell when you completely run out of money.
174.To cook and eat if you have no food.
175.Put it over your pants while reading the newspaper to avoid getting newsprint smudges on your pants
176.As a smock!
177.As an apron.
178.To clean up the mess you made when whatever you were cooking with your towel/apron exploded.
179.To clean up the mess when you recooked whatever you were cooking, asked your brother to taste-test it for you, and then he spat it out.
180.To help out with the Whale-Blubber Removal Project of Magrathea.
181.To stuff in a hostage's mouth so they keep quiet
182.You can use it to clean a car's windows if they get muddy,
183.Also, keep a towel in the car to put on the seats so they don�t get dog hair on them when the dogs are in the car.
184.Use it to dry off a dogs muddy feet so they don't muddy up the car.
185.Cushioning a hyperspace jump.
186. To have while watching the TV show for the purpose of having a towel while watching the TV show.
187.As a duvet cover
188.As a duvet
189.As a bed-sheet
190.Play peek-a-boo with it.
191.Poke holes in it and use it to conceal your identity.
192.To carry obscene amounts of clean laundry upstairs in.
193.To wrap around your fist to aid in some sort of shouty martial art which involves swinging the towel around.
194. Use it to wrap around your pet stick so that he can travel in your bag without you worrying too much about breaking him
195. To protect an innocent bowl of petunias on a windy day.
196. To put in one's satchel when there is nothing much in there to make it look significant, purposeful, and heavy.
197.For hitting people who type doubles for this list.
198.To gag your friend when s/he begins to attempt to sing.
199.To cover things you don't want to look at.
200.To cover your nose when you smell something nasty.
201.To plug your ears when your brother annoys you with his music.
202.As an I-Pod warmer.
203.To wipe off your computer screen.
204. To cover your head with so you can try to squeeze your headache out.
205.To dance with!
206.To place under doors to keep smoke from coming in.
207.To ball up and play soccer/basketball/football/baseball/cricket/bowling/tennis/badmitten/croquet with.
208.You can use a towel in Brockian Ultra-Cricket.
209.To cover your eyes when someone is streaking.
210. To clean up questionable stains on your shirt.
211.To use as a napkin after finishing a salami and Nutella sandwich.
212.To ward off bugs who wish to feed on your flesh.
213.To wrap around a cold drink to keep your hand warm.
214.To whap your ceiling with because you thing there's a mouse chewing on the light bulb
215. To tie around people's mouths when they wont shut up.
216. To tie people's hands when they try to remove the towel on there mouths.
217.To wipe whipped cream off your shirt that happened to get there after you put it in your sister�s hair.
218.To Velcro your sandals to in order to carry them around instead of wearing them.
219.To remind yourself not to panic when you start a new school
220.Use a towel to measure things
221.To put chocolate on so it will not melt in your hands. (And if it melts on your towel, then you get added nutrients.)
222.To scream into while you watch the new H2G2 movie and Arthur and Trillian kiss.
223.To cry into when you watch the new H2G2 movie and the crab dies
224.As a burial shroud for the poor crab
225.As a tablecloth and curtains and a throw rug and carpet and upholstery for home decorating that might not be fashionable, but is easily reused for just about ANYTHING.
226.To use as a froody place mat when you're eating chips in the cafeteria during play practice.
227.To use as part of a nonsensical Halloween costume

If any of you actually read all of that, you get 500 Battle Pastries and 2500 Hat Peaches.

	Author	Topic: Towel Day '09 (Read 2827 times)
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