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Author Topic: The Biffites  (Read 14888 times)
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Torg
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« Reply #30 on: February 13, 2009, 11:47:54 PM »

He had to rescue you/defend you or else he couldn't get into your pants later when you have to return to human form.
But she is her pants!
...
Which I suppose means he would be getting inside her, so the saying still holds.


And Scarf, at least you've actually attacked. I have yet to use anything in my arsenal.
(I'm not complaining, mind you, just pointing it out. I remain safe in the knowledge that Manson's tank is transported inside mine.)
« Last Edit: February 13, 2009, 11:50:15 PM by Torg » Logged

As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero.

The idea of you with a tank brings fear like I've never known.
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« Reply #31 on: February 14, 2009, 05:18:46 PM »

You think you have problems- in the universe where this occurs I don't exist.
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« Reply #32 on: February 14, 2009, 08:04:58 PM »

Yes you do.
You're fighting the Zombie invasion in Texas.
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« Reply #33 on: February 15, 2009, 01:07:34 AM »

...
So, is there going to be any more?
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« Reply #34 on: February 15, 2009, 12:35:33 PM »

You know that dose bring up an interesting point. There could be more Biffites, say eveyone that gets on four to five times a week, and the ones he used in this story were the ones that were needed for this problem. He could come up with another crisis and he could use another group. Or he could stay with the same one. That's the great thing about being the auther.
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« Reply #35 on: February 15, 2009, 07:07:39 PM »

That works too, but I was actually wondering if there is going to be any more story.
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« Reply #36 on: February 15, 2009, 09:23:00 PM »

I remain safe in the knowledge that Manson's tank is transported inside mine.)

So one might say I put my tank in you?
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« Reply #37 on: February 15, 2009, 09:39:26 PM »

No, as to my knowledge my tank is not me.
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« Reply #38 on: February 16, 2009, 01:36:53 PM »

Na, he's the tech guru, every team needs one. Tony Stark and Bruce Wane are the big names for this category of herocy. 
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« Reply #39 on: February 16, 2009, 02:02:27 PM »

Iron man's a good example...
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« Reply #40 on: February 16, 2009, 02:17:35 PM »

Tony Stark = Iron Man
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« Reply #41 on: February 16, 2009, 02:21:23 PM »

...
So, is there going to be any more?
When I get around to it. I've been busy.
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« Reply #42 on: February 16, 2009, 02:38:17 PM »

Tony Stark = Iron Man

I think I should actually read other people's posts before replying.
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« Reply #43 on: February 16, 2009, 04:27:11 PM »

Yes, you should. On a side note...
I am the ice cream man! Runnin' over children in my big white van!
All they wanted were ice cream cones, but what they got were broken bones!
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« Reply #44 on: February 16, 2009, 04:53:09 PM »

There you go. Now we know Ziggy's superpower.


Addendum: While I'm here, I might as well point out the inaccuracy of my short, blond hair.


* Snapshot_20090213_2.jpg (128.52 KB, 640x480 - viewed 92 times.)
« Last Edit: February 16, 2009, 06:30:13 PM by Torg » Logged

As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero.

The idea of you with a tank brings fear like I've never known.
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« Reply #45 on: February 16, 2009, 07:01:49 PM »

Tony Stark = Iron Man
Though there was that one where the suit gained sentience...and it had this weird, Domineering crush on Tony Stark....

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« Reply #46 on: February 16, 2009, 07:17:00 PM »

You could say it wanted him inside it.
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As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero.

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« Reply #47 on: February 16, 2009, 07:20:33 PM »

Very nearly yes, actually. There were HUGE S&M overtones in that one.
Or maybe it's just me...
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« Reply #48 on: February 16, 2009, 07:56:09 PM »

What a scary picture, Torg. I'm lovin it.
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« Reply #49 on: February 16, 2009, 08:32:32 PM »

I've got a scarier one.  Wink
(lawl)
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« Reply #50 on: February 16, 2009, 08:36:24 PM »

I suppose I should be insulted.
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« Reply #51 on: February 16, 2009, 09:18:22 PM »

Perhaps.
Or you could just take it in stride.
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« Reply #52 on: February 16, 2009, 09:53:56 PM »

Oh, of course I'll take it in stride. I only get angry when I choose to. (This isn't one of those preachy "nothing is hurtful unless you let it be" things. I mean I literally have to make a conscious decision to be mad about something.) But speaking in a purely academic sense, I'm fairly sure your comment would be considered insulting.
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« Reply #53 on: February 16, 2009, 10:11:13 PM »

Probably, except that it's meant jokingly.
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« Reply #54 on: February 17, 2009, 12:38:43 PM »

There you go. Now we know Ziggy's superpower.


Addendum: While I'm here, I might as well point out the inaccuracy of my short, blond hair.
Your fault for not posting a reference picture for us. Also, my fault for using people's avatars or screennames to create their characters, resulting in the need to make you up mostly from scratch.

Anydoodles here's the fourth chapter.
Among the highlights here are two deaths and Tanker stopping something that has been shown in the past to be unstoppable.
Also, a striking lack of funny.
Don't worry, the next chapter will be funny.



Chapter the Fourth, In Which a Hero Dies Twice

The Giant continued its assault, with Poltaap slashing away, and Riff ripping it to pieces with music. Suddenly, it lashed out at the tank, covering over it and tossing Riff aside.
Inside what seemed suddenly to be a metal coffin, Tanker yelled in frustration as the Giant’s voice boomed around him, clearly addressing the others. “Stop your assault, or your friend is crushed.”
A pause. Booming laughter. Either Drake or Thread had said something. Tanker started tapping controls. Nothing would respond. It was as though the Giant had stopped all the systems from working with some kind of special field. Or maybe stuff was just broken. It wasn’t impossible. “Your humor will be a terrible loss for the universe. I shall have to learn it when I take apart your brain.”

Drake stared at the Giant’s altered form, basically an oily black blob around Tanker’s vehicle. There was a way to defeat its deathgrip. But to do that… unthinkably dangerous. “See, now threatening to take apart my brain will get you nowhere. Try being nice.”
“Why be nice? I could shout and break your friend’s mind.”
“But that would be rude and then we’d have no reason to not rip you to pieces.”
The Giant seemed to be puzzling the ramifications of this out. It was either brilliant or stupid, and Drake couldn’t tell which. “I say we just kill it,” Riff said. “Tanker is replaceable.”
Everyone stared at him for a long moment. “Riff,” Thread scolded. “We’ve been over this a dozen times. Tanker is not replaceable.”
“I was joking!”
“Drake?” Orangey seemed irritable. “Why aren’t you doing it?”
Drake sighed. “It’s time. Everybody back off.”
They all retreated. Drake stepped forwards. “All right, Giant. We’ll back off and think this over, but if you crush him, I promise we won’t just evict you from the planet. We’ll find out how to kill you, and then we’ll do it one chunk at a time.”
He took to the air and flew as high as he could, then tossed over into a lazy dive. “God, forgive me if the innocent should die.”
Drake closed his eyes and switched off a mental barrier… and he died. The corpse tumbled earthward and lost all guidance, a freefall born of lifelessness… and then he twitched. Out of his fingertips there came a fine thread of energy. His life-force leaked from him and extruded out into a crude outline, that solidified and took on shape. An angelic form, stylized and wireframe only, like an artist’s rendering of Drake, came out of his body and descended like an eagle, altering its shape. Streaking unnaturally fast through the sky.
Drake’s soul-avatar flew at the Giant, a web of descending vengeance—and cut into it. Unthinking, powerful, deadly. He had no control of it, only his last living thought could direct it until it chose to return to him. His body crashed to the ground uselessly behind him as the Giant tried futilely to retaliate against the one thing as immortal as it.
Drake’s avatar cut the Giant to pieces and ruthlessly threw them skywards, where One rolled under them and fired his weapon. It seemed as though Drake’s last thought had been chosen right.
Until the Giant was completely disposed of, peeled away from its prisoner before it could crush the life away from it, and instead of retreating to its owner, the avatar turned its attention on Tanker’s tank.

Tanker swallowed hard as the web of soul-energy turned towards him. Now that was scary. He tapped at buttons furiously, and stabbed at controls, and finally his tank came back up. He tried to remember what he could of the avatar. It could be slowed, perhaps stopped. If he could only bring the Weapon online… There. Power to the main weapons. He started his volley, and the laser cannons flared to life, pounding into Drake’s last ditch effort to save his friend. The effort which was, as per usual, trying to kill someone. It staggered and stumbled, then started pushing through the fire.
“Come on, come on, come on,” Tanker urged the charging Weapon. It couldn’t kill the soul-avatar, but perhaps it would do what it was intended to do.
There. He fired.

The avatar closed in on the tank, and then… a blast, a perfect sphere, slammed out of the big central gun and hit the avatar square in the chest, pushed it back, enveloped it. Tanker popped up out of the top of his vehicle and yelled as the sphere rolled to a stop six feet short of Drake’s body.
“Put it into his chest!” he screamed, “Before the avatar breaks out of it!”
Thread ran forwards, her legs stretching out to impossible lengths, grabbed the sphere, and whipped it at Drake. It hit him, stopped instantly, and slowly disgorged its payload. This would either work, or kill him. Tanker had vague hopes that it would work.
Drake gasped and screamed in pain, energy roaring from his fingertips. He collapsed back on the ground and stopped breathing. Silence.
Thread knelt next to him. “Come on, Drake,” she whispered as the sphere evaporated into nothingness. “Come on. You die, and I won’t have anybody to have coffee with on Sundays, and that wouldn’t make anybody happy.”
Riff ran over. He knelt next to Thread and felt for a pulse on Drake’s throat. “You killed him, Tanker!”
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Wow. I am so full of bull.

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« Reply #55 on: February 17, 2009, 04:22:51 PM »

A fun read, which would be all the more fun were it not broken up into a serial. I'd prefer if the narration wasn't characterized, but that's just aesthetic choice. Overall, I like how it comes off as lighthearted even while dramatic. The only complaints I have are some of your stylistic choices.
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« Reply #56 on: February 17, 2009, 05:25:18 PM »

Anybody else? Commentary? Come on?
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« Reply #57 on: February 17, 2009, 05:30:26 PM »

It thougt it was really predictable. If I say any more it will sound mean and I'm not a mean person.  Lips sealed
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« Reply #58 on: February 17, 2009, 05:31:42 PM »

I liked it. don't really know what to say.
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« Reply #59 on: February 17, 2009, 05:33:01 PM »

It thougt it was really predictable. If I say any more it will sound mean and I'm not a mean person.  Lips sealed
Eh. Can't win 'em all.

But yes, I do hate you forever.  Wink
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Wow. I am so full of bull.

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