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Mystery Fish
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« Reply #30 on: February 10, 2009, 04:18:46 PM » |
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I think that is the single best post that will ever be in this topic, unless Drakey tops it or someone else (I'm looking at you, Orangey) can come up with something even better.
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  <Science isn't about why, it's about why not.>
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the Scarf
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« Reply #31 on: February 10, 2009, 07:37:33 PM » |
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Most probably true.
Of course, on that first one (Talking about Masturbation) in special cases has already been done before hand.
I love this forum.
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The sky and air are full of cancer and the ground is full of poison. Only the internet understands. |
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Torg
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« Reply #32 on: February 10, 2009, 08:38:13 PM » |
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Don't make her pay for the food.
Don't read a book while waiting for the food.
Don't use Bifforum in-jokes. They only serve to confuse.
Don't discuss the finer points of lesbianism. I'm looking at you, Kentan's signature.
Don't show her the pictures you took while stalking her, no matter how good you think she looks in them.
Don't pick her up by bike.
Don't pick her up by bus.
Don't pick her up in the car that she left unlocked a few months back.
When picking her up, don't announce your arrival with your car horn. (Then again, things worked out with my parents, so it might not be as bad an idea as it sounds.)
Don't make her sit in the back seat.
Should you make her sit in the back seat, don't play Snakes on a Plane on your car's DVD player. That's just adding injury to insult.
Don't make her sit in the back seat of a plane that contains snakes.
Actually, you really shouldn't make her sit anywhere on any plane. What were you thinking?
Nor should you make her sit anywhere with snakes.
Don't make her sit in the trunk.
Don't perform a driveby shooting while on your date.
Do not, under any circumstances, order from the kid's menu.
Should you order from the kid's menu, refrain from solving the maze.
Don't phrase your order in the form of a song, a hypothetical statement, or a Jeopardy answer.
Don't mention Clark Gable. You're just setting yourself up for comparison.
Don't chew the gum on the underside of the table.
Don't offer her gum from the underside of the table.
Don't go anywhere with lobster.
Seriously. No lobster must be present on the menu.
Don't discuss your medical/psychological issues.
Don't ask her if she has any interesting medical/psychological issues.
Don't let your car run out of gas.
Should your car run out of gas, don't make her get out and push.
Don't try to pass the grocery store off as a restaurant.
Don't try to pass poison ivy off as a bouquet of flowers.
Don't try to race anyone.
Don't schedule your date on Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day.
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As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero. The idea of you with a tank brings fear like I've never known.
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Pixel Pincher
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« Reply #33 on: February 10, 2009, 09:21:51 PM » |
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Good god thats a long list.
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Orangey
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« Reply #34 on: February 10, 2009, 09:50:27 PM » |
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Condom balloon animals (which I would imagine takes quite a bit of dexterity. A condom is not, ultimately, a large object.)
While the ones I use are admittedly somewhat larger, even a regular condom, when inflated, is longer than two feet. The high-quality latex they're made from is quite elastic. The problem with making a condom balloon animal is the fact that the girth of the inflated condom is about 35 inches. |
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"Now prop your lazy bones on those getaway sticks and shake a leg, mister! Everyone get in the flivver or this trip's for biscuits, see?"
-Hysterical Dame, MSPaint Adventures
"I'm fed up with this orgasm!"
-Stan, American Dad
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Pixel Pincher
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« Reply #35 on: February 10, 2009, 10:01:41 PM » |
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You scare me sometimes Orangey.
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Orangey
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« Reply #36 on: February 10, 2009, 10:06:25 PM » |
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What? I always wondeed what they'd be like inflated, and I found out. Besides, I remember a time you and I had a box of magnums and a hose, and amused ourselves with those.
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"Now prop your lazy bones on those getaway sticks and shake a leg, mister! Everyone get in the flivver or this trip's for biscuits, see?"
-Hysterical Dame, MSPaint Adventures
"I'm fed up with this orgasm!"
-Stan, American Dad
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Pixel Pincher
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« Reply #37 on: February 10, 2009, 10:07:14 PM » |
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That was really fun.
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Orangey
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« Reply #38 on: February 10, 2009, 10:11:49 PM » |
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The second-most-fun I've ever had with condoms.
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"Now prop your lazy bones on those getaway sticks and shake a leg, mister! Everyone get in the flivver or this trip's for biscuits, see?"
-Hysterical Dame, MSPaint Adventures
"I'm fed up with this orgasm!"
-Stan, American Dad
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Pixel Pincher
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« Reply #39 on: February 10, 2009, 10:13:57 PM » |
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Anyway. back to the main topic.
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juneloveslotr
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« Reply #40 on: February 10, 2009, 10:41:06 PM » |
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Breaking up with them would be bad.
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Sorry, I'm Dyslexic and can't spell. Please don't bug me about it.
My Stuff:
Angus Ghost in Jar
4 Fir Trees
Pets: Otter, Dragon
Sword and Shield
Scarf, Sentient Straightjacket
Sleeping Orangey painting
20 Spiderman Comic Books
Tree house
ShyMiester Mask
925 Battle Pastries left
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Pixel Pincher
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« Reply #41 on: February 10, 2009, 10:45:19 PM » |
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That's kinda sad if you think about it. Breaking up with a person on your first date with them.
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juneloveslotr
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« Reply #42 on: February 10, 2009, 10:46:53 PM » |
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It's happen... to me... not happy. Then again, I deserved it.
Don't pants your date.
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Sorry, I'm Dyslexic and can't spell. Please don't bug me about it.
My Stuff:
Angus Ghost in Jar
4 Fir Trees
Pets: Otter, Dragon
Sword and Shield
Scarf, Sentient Straightjacket
Sleeping Orangey painting
20 Spiderman Comic Books
Tree house
ShyMiester Mask
925 Battle Pastries left
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Pixel Pincher
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« Reply #43 on: February 10, 2009, 10:48:10 PM » |
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LOOOOOLLLLLLLLL!!!
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the Scarf
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« Reply #44 on: February 10, 2009, 11:02:32 PM » |
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What? I always wondeed what they'd be like inflated, and I found out. Besides, I remember a time you and I had a box of magnums and a hose, and amused ourselves with those.
That is SUCH a guy thing to do. I mean, seriously. *sigh* ...I wish I could change gender at will.... |
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The sky and air are full of cancer and the ground is full of poison. Only the internet understands. |
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Pixel Pincher
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« Reply #45 on: February 10, 2009, 11:04:51 PM » |
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You have said this before.
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the Scarf
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« Reply #46 on: February 10, 2009, 11:11:12 PM » |
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Yeah, and I'll say it again.
....damn I wish I could change gender at will.
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The sky and air are full of cancer and the ground is full of poison. Only the internet understands. |
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Pixel Pincher
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« Reply #47 on: February 10, 2009, 11:13:55 PM » |
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Me to, me to.
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Pieman
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« Reply #48 on: February 11, 2009, 02:22:58 AM » |
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Autofellaciate in front of them.
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That is because you are the bestest and the awesomenest.
You become incredibly well-muscled and accidentally crush Pel's head. |
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juneloveslotr
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« Reply #49 on: February 11, 2009, 09:42:41 AM » |
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Not good for the first date for sure. Maybe later, if they're into it.
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Sorry, I'm Dyslexic and can't spell. Please don't bug me about it.
My Stuff:
Angus Ghost in Jar
4 Fir Trees
Pets: Otter, Dragon
Sword and Shield
Scarf, Sentient Straightjacket
Sleeping Orangey painting
20 Spiderman Comic Books
Tree house
ShyMiester Mask
925 Battle Pastries left
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Drakey
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« Reply #50 on: February 11, 2009, 11:15:31 AM » |
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Perform the entire collected works of Gilbert and Sullivan.
Use the sentence "I need you."
Say "All right, let's get this over with, I have six other dates today." Even if it's true, that's a bad idea to say.
"So there I was, naked, in the middle of a pile of fat guys..."
Start a rousing chorus of the duck You Song.
EDIT: You know, this thread is great fodder for Best of the Bifforum.
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« Last Edit: February 11, 2009, 11:26:58 AM by Drakey »
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Wow. I am so full of bull.  Gre sprite courtesy of Spritemeister (all rights reserved) Oh, that's just Marvin. He's dead, so he kinda smells a little bad. |
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Pieman
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« Reply #51 on: February 11, 2009, 11:33:37 AM » |
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Start an arousing chorus of the duck You Song.
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That is because you are the bestest and the awesomenest.
You become incredibly well-muscled and accidentally crush Pel's head. |
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Drakey
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« Reply #52 on: February 11, 2009, 11:46:12 AM » |
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It's not an arousing song.
duck you and duck you and duck you and then
duck you and duck you and duck you again.
duck you and duck you and duck you my friend,
for fucking with me you'll be ducked to the end.
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Wow. I am so full of bull. Gre sprite courtesy of Spritemeister (all rights reserved) Oh, that's just Marvin. He's dead, so he kinda smells a little bad. |
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juneloveslotr
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« Reply #53 on: February 11, 2009, 01:23:09 PM » |
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Kinda ketchy. *Starts dancing (badly)*
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Sorry, I'm Dyslexic and can't spell. Please don't bug me about it.
My Stuff:
Angus Ghost in Jar
4 Fir Trees
Pets: Otter, Dragon
Sword and Shield
Scarf, Sentient Straightjacket
Sleeping Orangey painting
20 Spiderman Comic Books
Tree house
ShyMiester Mask
925 Battle Pastries left
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Pixel Pincher
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« Reply #54 on: February 12, 2009, 01:31:55 PM » |
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Don't tell your date you play games like Dota.
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Drakey
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« Reply #55 on: February 12, 2009, 01:36:01 PM » |
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No matter where you meet, it is not acceptable to kick your date's ass at any game. No matter how proud you are of your ability to do so. And if you do kick their ass, don't use the word beatch while you're doing a victory dance.
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Wow. I am so full of bull. Gre sprite courtesy of Spritemeister (all rights reserved) Oh, that's just Marvin. He's dead, so he kinda smells a little bad. |
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Pixel Pincher
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« Reply #56 on: February 12, 2009, 01:40:23 PM » |
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If you do beat them at a video game don't do a victory dance.
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Drakey
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« Reply #57 on: February 12, 2009, 01:48:19 PM » |
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It's a law of physics. All victory are followed inevitably by dances to celebrate them.
And the number one thing to avoid on a first date is breaking the laws of physics. Unless you're breaking the laws of physics in your date's pants. That can be enjoyable if the Multiverse doesn't experience a complete matterstate quantum inversion, going simultaneously through a heat death, a big bang, entropic reversal and God saying "Ah, duck it, this is boring."
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Wow. I am so full of bull. Gre sprite courtesy of Spritemeister (all rights reserved) Oh, that's just Marvin. He's dead, so he kinda smells a little bad. |
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Pixel Pincher
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« Reply #58 on: February 12, 2009, 01:51:24 PM » |
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I missed you Drakey.
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Drakey
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« Reply #59 on: February 12, 2009, 01:55:14 PM » |
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That is one of my better quotes.
Oh! Thing to not do!
Say anything you read on this forum.
Especially if I'm the one that said it!
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Wow. I am so full of bull. Gre sprite courtesy of Spritemeister (all rights reserved) Oh, that's just Marvin. He's dead, so he kinda smells a little bad. |
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