|
Drakey
|
 |
« on: December 28, 2008, 12:26:06 AM » |
|
For Mother Russia!
Okay, my contribution:
Three old ladies go to a club with male strippers. They sit down, and Big James Starlight comes out and does his routine, finishing with a slide on his knees that puts him on the stage right by the old ladies. Martha has a stroke, Jenny has a stroke, and June can't reach.
Ted just bought a new Porsche. He lives in San Francisco, and must cross the Golden Gate to visit his mom one day. He takes the Porsche and heads for the bridge, and is shocked to find it empty, so he opens up the throttle and goes.
60. 70. 80. 90. 100. 110. 120...
He crosses the bridge and a cop pulls him over.
The cop saunters up to the car.
"Do you know how fast you were going?"
Ted nods and begins thinking hard. "120, sir."
"And can you explain this?"
"One of my patients needs help. His surgery is coming undone, wuhich can be very dangerous."
"What kind of doctor are you?"
"I'm a plastic surgeon. This was an anal stretching."
"Anal stretching?" the cop looks suspicious.
Ted nods. "Yeah. you take the anus, and you stretch it to about six feet wide."
the cop stares in disbelief. "What do you do with a six-foot anus?"
Ted grins and replies, "Park him at the end of a bridge, usually."
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Wow. I am so full of bull.  Gre sprite courtesy of Spritemeister (all rights reserved) Oh, that's just Marvin. He's dead, so he kinda smells a little bad. |
|
|
|
the Scarf
|
|
« Reply #1 on: December 28, 2008, 12:31:02 AM » |
|
OH wonderful.
I would post one, but I don't have any. ;_;
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
The sky and air are full of cancer and the ground is full of poison. Only the internet understands. |
|
|
|
Drakey
|
|
« Reply #2 on: December 28, 2008, 12:34:40 AM » |
|
Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something.
Hey, you wanna know how you can tell if a house was built by lesbians?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Wow. I am so full of bull. Gre sprite courtesy of Spritemeister (all rights reserved) Oh, that's just Marvin. He's dead, so he kinda smells a little bad. |
|
|
|
the Scarf
|
|
« Reply #3 on: December 28, 2008, 12:55:48 AM » |
|
Umm....Oh damn, I know this one too...I think...
Something about screws?
DAMN! My brain doesn't work.... DX
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
The sky and air are full of cancer and the ground is full of poison. Only the internet understands. |
|
|
|
Drakey
|
|
« Reply #4 on: December 28, 2008, 12:57:38 AM » |
|
No studs. It's all tongue-in-groove.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Wow. I am so full of bull. Gre sprite courtesy of Spritemeister (all rights reserved) Oh, that's just Marvin. He's dead, so he kinda smells a little bad. |
|
|
|
Silfedac
|
|
« Reply #5 on: December 28, 2008, 06:49:19 AM » |
|
This one is probably more appropriate for the Worms thread, but I'm posting it here anyways.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns (obviously an American story)
and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed
he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict,
look at his clothes! He has probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman
in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist,
don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much
he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous if he gets angry,
he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey, I love you."
To which the wife responded, "he wasn't kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong, honey, I love you too."
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
We're talking about CROTCH BEARDS.
I don't want the world, I just want your half. |
|
|
|
Pieman
|
|
« Reply #6 on: December 28, 2008, 07:30:29 AM » |
|
Yeah, I've heard that one before.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
That is because you are the bestest and the awesomenest.
You become incredibly well-muscled and accidentally crush Pel's head. |
|
|
chaoticag
Hatchling
 Offline
Posts: 89
|
|
« Reply #7 on: December 29, 2008, 02:02:04 PM » |
|
Six blonds walk into a bar and order a round of drinks.
"To fifty-one days!" says one of them, and this made the bartender look at them a little strange but he soon forgot about it.
"To fifty-one days!" the blond repeated, so the bartender took notice and asked one of them,
"Why are you toasting to fifty-one days? Isn't it something random to toast to?"
"Well you see, we got a jigsaw puzzle, and on the side it said two to four years; we finished it in fifty-one days."
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
While this is true, pointing it out makes you a douche; pointing it out and failing to also point out that he used "form" instead of "forum" makes you a douche-wibbler.
|
|
|
|
