Bandgeek
Hatchling
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Posts: 111
Low brass rule the band
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« on: December 23, 2007, 12:57:03 AM » |
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I always felt we needed one of these. Just post the funniest joke you've heard in a while.
So a couple of rednecks were siting on the lake one day fishing, when Fred looks over at his cousin Billy-Bob and says "I'm tired of being stupid. I'm gonna go to them comunity colleges and get edumacated".
So later that day he walks into town and enrolls in History, Science, Math, English, and Logic. The first calss he went to was Logic. He was curious, because he had no Idea what Logic was. So he asked the profesor. The prof. told his "well it's just a way of thinking. Fred didn't get it, so he asked for an example. "So what are you doing after class?" asked the Professor. "I'm goona go buy a weed-wacker." said Fred. "Well, useing logic, I can infur that since you are going to get a weed wacker, you have a lawn." "you'r a genious!" sayd fred. "That's not all" continued the Professor, "since you have a lawn, I can infur that you have your own house." Fred nodded, amazed. "Also, I can assume that with a house, you have a wife and kids" "You must being reading my mind" said Fred. To finish it off, the professor said "since you have a wife and kids, you must a heterosexual male." "You'v got me down" Fred Told the Professor.
When fred went home that night, he went fishing again with Billy Bob. When Billy Bob asked what he learned about at the comunity college, Fred told him logic. "What's this Logic?" Asked Billy Bob. "It's hard to explian, but I'll give you an example." Fred told him. "Ok"
"Got a Weed wacker?" Asked Fred
"no"
"Your a queer."
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« Last Edit: December 23, 2007, 12:59:36 AM by Bandgeek »
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I kick brass
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MagicParakeet
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« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2007, 10:16:18 AM » |
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  That was really good. You're gonna have to give me a while to dig up some of my a-list material without riping someone off. |
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Silfedac
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« Reply #2 on: December 23, 2007, 11:48:32 AM » |
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My jokes are best done with a live audience.
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We're talking about CROTCH BEARDS.
I don't want the world, I just want your half. |
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SpriteMeister
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« Reply #3 on: December 23, 2007, 07:26:30 PM » |
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My jokes are best done with a live audience.
I second that. |
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ShyMeister's BPStore resources:
Masks: Biff mask, Shadow Beast mask, Shield mask, Poltaap mask
Weapons: Meister Sword, 2 attack fans
Housing/furnishings: Mana Tree
Pets/lackeys: wolf (Link), baby Yoshi
Bottles: 1 Blue fire, 1 Poltaap, 1 fairy, 1 chocolate milkshake, 2 empty
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Silfedac
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« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2007, 06:54:08 PM » |
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A thief and his girlfriend were walking down Main Street when she spotted a beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry store window. "Wow, I'd sure love to have that!" she said.
"No problem, baby," the thief says, throwing a brick through the glass and grabbing the ring.
A few blocks later, his girlfriend was admiring a leather jacket in another shop window. "What I would give to own that!" she said.
"Sure thing, darling," the guy says again, throwing another brick through the window and snatching the coat.
Finally, turning for home, they pass a Mercedes car dealership. "Boy, I would do anything for one of those!" she said to her boyfriend.
"Forget that!" the guy moans. "Do you think I'm made of bricks or something?"
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We're talking about CROTCH BEARDS.
I don't want the world, I just want your half. |
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DomanickX
Read only
Hatchling
Offline
Posts: 145
I refuse...To fade away!
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« Reply #5 on: January 01, 2008, 01:46:38 AM » |
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....I'm too lazy to think of a good word to put here.
It probably be funnier if it was told in person
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Bandgeek
Hatchling
Offline
Posts: 111
Low brass rule the band
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« Reply #6 on: January 01, 2008, 02:51:53 AM » |
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Nice.
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I kick brass
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the Scarf
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« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2008, 11:34:02 AM » |
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I know several, but one of them is really long and I'm too lazy to type it out, and I can't quite remember how the other one go....
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The sky and air are full of cancer and the ground is full of poison. Only the internet understands. |
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Spartan-117
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« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2008, 11:56:23 AM » |
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I second that.
i third that! |
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 Microsoft- "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips" |
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Pieman
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« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2008, 12:05:04 PM » |
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I slurp at speech, so My jokes would be best written.
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That is because you are the bestest and the awesomenest.
You become incredibly well-muscled and accidentally crush Pel's head. |
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Spartan-117
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« Reply #10 on: May 15, 2008, 12:17:20 PM » |
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go ahead pieman, give it yer best shot.
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Microsoft- "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips" |
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Pieman
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« Reply #11 on: May 15, 2008, 01:39:08 PM » |
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Actually, the only one I can think of is best when being said. Here it is anyway:
A rabbit walks into a bar, and asks "Got any carrots?"
the bartender, slightly confused, says "Sorry mate, this is a bar; we don't sell carrots."
The rabbit says "ok", and hops out of the bar.
The next day, while the bartender was cleaning out a few glasses, he sees the same rabbit hop in, and again the rabbit asks for a carrot.
Relatively annoyed, the bartender replies "I've already told you, we don't sell carrots here, it's a bar."
So again, the rabbit says "ok", and hops out of the bar.
The next day, exactly the same thing happens; the rabbit appears, and asks "got any carrots?", and the barman angrily says "I've told You twice already, this aint a bleedin' green grocers, IT'S A BAR!" The rabbit says "Ok then." and hops off.
The next day, as you can probably guess, the rabbit comes back and asks for a carrot again.
The barman, now furious shouts "IF YOU COME IN HERE AND ASK FOR A CARROT ONE MORE TIME, I'LL NAIL YOU TO THE BLOODY WALL!"
So the rabbit hops away into the night. "That got rid of him" says the Bartender gratefully.
Unsurprisingly, the next day, the rabbit walks into the bar, and fuming, the bartender shouts "WHAT DO YOU BLOODY WANT?!"
"Got any nails?" The rabbit asks.
"NO!!"
"...Got any carrots?"
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That is because you are the bestest and the awesomenest.
You become incredibly well-muscled and accidentally crush Pel's head. |
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Spartan-117
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« Reply #12 on: May 15, 2008, 01:53:13 PM » |
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tbh thats the funniest one i've heard in a while
got me laughing like a right tard'
thankyou
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Microsoft- "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips" |
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Pieman
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« Reply #13 on: May 15, 2008, 02:19:06 PM » |
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Thanks.
the problem with me is that I can only recall short ones straight off, And have to think a bit to remember long ones.
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That is because you are the bestest and the awesomenest.
You become incredibly well-muscled and accidentally crush Pel's head. |
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Spartan-117
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« Reply #14 on: May 15, 2008, 02:27:43 PM » |
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me too, and i might get it wrong and smash the whole joke..
¬¬
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Microsoft- "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips" |
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MagicParakeet
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« Reply #15 on: May 15, 2008, 04:33:55 PM » |
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel down his pants. The bartender asks, "What's with the steering wheel?" The pirate replies, "ARGH!! It's driving me nuts!"
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Pieman
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« Reply #16 on: May 15, 2008, 05:00:05 PM » |
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That's worse than "Why are pirates called pirates?
Because they Arrrgh!"
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That is because you are the bestest and the awesomenest.
You become incredibly well-muscled and accidentally crush Pel's head. |
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MagicParakeet
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« Reply #17 on: May 15, 2008, 07:28:34 PM » |
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The subject doesn't say good jokes.....
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Spartan-117
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« Reply #18 on: May 16, 2008, 02:05:30 AM » |
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ahha gutted
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Microsoft- "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips" |
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Pieman
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« Reply #19 on: May 17, 2008, 02:19:10 AM » |
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What do a tub of lard, a broken pencil and a glue stick have in common??
The pencil's a fat load of good, the Lard's a good load of fat.
And the glue stick? ah, that's where you get stuck.
I'd tell you another one about a broken pencil, but it hasn't got any point.
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That is because you are the bestest and the awesomenest.
You become incredibly well-muscled and accidentally crush Pel's head. |
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Spartan-117
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« Reply #20 on: May 17, 2008, 04:08:30 AM » |
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"ahahaha" this are stupidly funny |
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Microsoft- "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips" |
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Pieman
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« Reply #21 on: May 17, 2008, 05:59:22 AM » |
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Stupid jokes are the only ones I can remember properly.  |
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That is because you are the bestest and the awesomenest.
You become incredibly well-muscled and accidentally crush Pel's head. |
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the Scarf
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« Reply #22 on: May 17, 2008, 05:38:56 PM » |
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Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
(50bp for ref)
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The sky and air are full of cancer and the ground is full of poison. Only the internet understands. |
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Spartan-117
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« Reply #23 on: May 18, 2008, 06:07:53 AM » |
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aye?
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Microsoft- "You've got questions. We've got dancing paperclips" |
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MagicParakeet
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« Reply #24 on: May 18, 2008, 01:43:47 PM » |
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Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
(50bp for ref)
I just watched that episode a while ago. Monty Python's Flying Circus Episode 1. The worlds funniest joke....in German. |
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Pieman
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« Reply #25 on: May 19, 2008, 05:29:48 PM » |
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Two peanuts cross the road...
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That is because you are the bestest and the awesomenest.
You become incredibly well-muscled and accidentally crush Pel's head. |
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MagicParakeet
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« Reply #26 on: May 19, 2008, 07:19:50 PM » |
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What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungie cord?
(Like a million and two halves Battle Pastries for the answer)
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Pieman
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« Reply #27 on: May 20, 2008, 01:56:09 AM » |
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MY ASS!!
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That is because you are the bestest and the awesomenest.
You become incredibly well-muscled and accidentally crush Pel's head. |
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MagicParakeet
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« Reply #28 on: May 20, 2008, 06:42:28 AM » |
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I eff'in love that movie. |
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Pieman
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« Reply #29 on: May 20, 2008, 11:00:57 AM » |
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I haven't seen it in donkeys years.
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That is because you are the bestest and the awesomenest.
You become incredibly well-muscled and accidentally crush Pel's head. |
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