#1796 – Secured

Also, garden shovels can be found by digging them out of your garden. Can openers are now sealed inside of soup cans. That bulge sticking out from the wallpaper in the dining room is a bottle of wallpaper remover.

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11 thoughts on “#1796 – Secured”

  1. And the scissors come in a package made of that ridiculously hard plastic that is impossible to open with your bare hands (or your teeth for that matter).

  2. boog says:

    Bread knives are baked into loafs of bread.

    Fly-swatters are shipped in boxes full of bees.

    And bear traps are typically shackled to a live grizzly bear, you know, to prevent shoplifting. But it’s so stupid because they never even watch the doors. One time I made it all the way to my car before I realized they forgot to take off the bear when I purchased the trap, and I had to go back in to the customer service desk and show them my receipt.

  3. Pasq says:

    I actually had to borrow a screwdriver because the toolset I got had everything screwed tight…

  4. Chris K. (no relation) says:

    And washing machine directions are printed on the inside of the lid. Stalemate!

  5. Ritzbot says:

    Huh. Just two days ago, I actually bought a pair of scissors and couldn’t open the package.

  6. lightningfury says:

    Isaac Asimov had a story like this. Two astronauts at a remote space station receive every bit of machinery in a thousand tiny pieces with faint mass printed Engrish instruction booklets. Consequently nothing works quite right. So they order a robot guaranteed to be able to assembly anything perfectly. It’s delivered in a thousand tiny pieces with faint mass produced Engrish instructions….

  7. kingklash says:

    It’s recursive consumerism!

  8. infrapinklizzard says:

    In WWII, my grandfather worked for a company that made delicate and complicated optical instruments. When they got an order from the army, he was put in charge of making the unpacking and assembly instructions. The use of the assembly instructions is obvious, but also as important is the unpacking instructions, so that nothing gets damaged by people using inappropriate tools (say, their teeth :3 – or more likely, a hammer).

    The first item on the unpacking instructions — as per army demands — was where to find the unpacking instructions in the crate.

  9. Peter Wolff says:

    Before Internet access was affordable to everyone, someone I remotely know decided to re-install his computer. He was wise enough not to pack his RAR installation files into a RAR archive, so he packed them into a ZIP archive and the ZIP installation files into a RAR archive …

  10. il biggo says:

    @Peter Wolff: many years ago, for a while Aladdin Systems were distributing Stuffit Expander for Mac in a compressed SIT archive. True story.

  11. Marscaleb says:

    This one made me laugh out loud!

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