#619 – Carbon

I always seem to burn food at the worst times. If I burn my toast it is inevitably the last piece of bread in the house. I’ll burn the pot of rice when there’s no time to make more. I think the most disappointing is when cookies get burned on the bottom and you don’t notice until you bite into them. “Yay fresh cookies! This is so awwwww… dang.”

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37 thoughts on “#619 – Carbon”

  1. William Syler says:

    I have yet to cook my own food everyday, but when i do i probably will encounter that problem a lot. I’m terrible at cooking. Except for toast, bagels, and hot pockets. and even the hot pockets turn out bad!

  2. Chris says:

    If you are a really good cook though, and decent at persuasion you can convince the people eating your food that it’s supposed to be burnt. Being burnt adds flavor and texture you see.

  3. J says:

    dude, hot pockets start out bad.

  4. Shorty says:

    I love hot pockets, but they are nearly impossible to cook perfectly. They either are still cold in the center or the filling becomes superheated napalm.

  5. Izual Shima says:

    This one is so…normal. I’m shocked. I thought Biff’s idea of a stronger oven would entail uranium, or maybe a really big lens and a sunny day.

    I guess even Biff has normal days…

    @ The Chris: It sounds like the last kitchen horror is very fresh in your mind. Welcome to the club.

    I think I’m even worse than someone who will ruin food with some sort of pattern. I can do great or terrible, with no clear reason as to why. Unpredictable.
    Sometimes, common sense and a keen eye will keep everything going smoothly. Other times, I’ll do something stupid, or do everything right, and it still comes out bad. I guess that’s what happens when you don’t practice a lot?

    Also, I suck at telling if food is in any good shape (whether it’s about how it cooked, or its general state of freshness). It’s a side effect of having an iron stomach…since I can drink half-spoiled milk and eat half-raw meat without so much as a pang after, I’m no good indicator…

    (Yeah, I could use a sharper sense of taste too)

    Also, there was some very horrible cooking back at the house when I was a kid, so that didn’t let me develop a good sense of when it’s right and when it’s ruined, either…

  6. @J: Aww, I love Hot Pockets. You just have no love. 🙁

    @Shorty: At least when they’re superheated you can let them cool a bit. Hope you got a box of Cheez-Its handy while you wait.

  7. PsychoDuck says:

    Funny you should mention cookies, Chris. My sister just baked up a batch, and sadly, they were somewhat dark on the bottom. I rummaged through the container for a lighter one, managing to pick the only non-blackened one in the batch and stuff it in my face. The other one I had… Eh, it was still good, but…

    Man, burnt cookies are weird. They’re burnt, but they’re still delicious!

    The Duck Has Spoken.

  8. LazerWulf says:

    “It’s not burnt, it’s blackened!”

  9. RG says:

    I hate it when my food turns out like that.

  10. Pottery says:

    Haven’t burnt any of my food, mostly because I don’t cook in the first place. But marshmallows are something else. It’s a really fun yet nauseating thing to burn a marshmallow, since it goes black and starts melting whilst the inside becomes yellow.
    Needless to say, none of the people around me nor myself ever tried eating one.

  11. random person says:

    LOL! My mom always burns at least 4/5 pancakes when she makes them.

  12. Felix says:

    I don’t mind bottom-burnt cookies actually. Especially those silly Pillsbury ones that are made for holidays.

  13. Justanotherdude says:

    Dude, i always burn my marshmallows at campfires, i love the melty inside of the marsmallow, goes VERY good on s’mores, although i never do it till it turns yellow, ewww.

  14. Magusgarkan says:

    Heh, I actually am fond of overdone food, so for me it doesn’t really matter. No having said that I couldn’t cook to save my life, but ah well.

  15. It must be a good comic day, everyone is making me laugh! Hahahaha!

  16. batdan says:

    About the burned cookies, try getting one of those Silpat things. The silicone sheets the you put on the cookie sheet to keep things from sticking. They also evenly distribute the heat better than metal so you don’t get that burned on the bottom thing going on, just burned all over if you leave them in too long.

  17. Twilightfairy says:

    Hmm…. looks like biff was trying to use an easy bake oven, and decided to use the bigger more complicated bake oven.

  18. PsychoDuck says:

    It’s a damn good thing I’m not on a diet, because reading this comment section made me go downstairs and grab some cookies.

    The Duck Has Spoken.

  19. DracoZereul says:

    I’m pretty bad at cooking, only because I’m a chronic second-guesser. Whenever stuff needs to be left alone to cook/simmer/bake, I always have to check up on it 3-20 times before the “cooking” duration is done, simply because I’m not sure if I’m burning it. Otherwise, my food is usually edible, and most times actually good, but could always be better.

  20. Speakerblast says:

    i can cook alphaghetti! In fact… *stomach rumbles*

    Alright, guess I’ll be back Monday then…

  21. no name says:

    haha. amazing

  22. kenshin620 says:

    I remember when my mom used to bake us cookies from scratch….they were awful. if we didn’t eat them right out of the oven, they became nearly as hard as rocks. it got better once she discovered some of those premade, ready to cook dough.

    come to think of it, I never did have an easy-bake oven..

  23. Trevor says:

    I’m always afraid while cooking, I know that you shouldn’t be afraid while cooking, but I don’t want to get my flesh wounds on fire.

  24. Micah says:

    I burned a cookie in an easy bake oven. Ate it anyway. It was gross…and it looked like Biff’s muffin.

    @Trevor–I’m the same way.

  25. Paul says:

    Yup, that’s the wallpaper color I predicted yesterday! 😀

  26. Cpt.Ziggy says:

    I am an awesome cook and that’s all I have to say…….

  27. Heatherface says:

    I totally laughed at your blurb, especially the cookie part. I just scrape off the good part and eat it all in one bite.

  28. Vicky says:

    I’m a pretty bad cook. I once managed to make a nice juicy rib-eye steak taste like fish….. all my veg was undercooked & the potatoes cooked about 15 minutes before everything else, so they were cold by the time I got my meat anyway.
    I doubt even Biff is that bad.

  29. DTanza says:

    Can you imagine a 5 year old biif playing with an easy bake oven!?

    O_o

  30. Ziggy Stardust says:

    at Project Dark Fox: if you have Cheeze-Its, why would you need hot pockets?
    Poor Biff, burnt food is the worst.

  31. KK says:

    Coincidentally, my girlfriend and I use an easy bake oven (I’m 21, she’s 20). We saw it at Toys R Us a while back, and started talking about how there are lots of toys that you really wanted when you were a kid, but never got, and how now that we’ve got our own income, we can spend it however we want. Needless to say, tiny, delicious, one-bite baked goods were being consumed every 15 minutes or so later that day.

  32. Bazza says:

    I’m a terrible, terrible cook. Luckily, I come from a family of cast-iron stomachs, so when I cook for everyone, they don’t complain or get sick!

  33. Reg says:

    Arg! Don’t remind me about burnt cookies! To avoid burning, I tend to get cookies out early and people complain about them being doughy. AT least their not discuses!

  34. jykcor says:

    i can make ramen and grilled cheese. im afraid i’d burn the house down if i tried something like a burger on the stove.

  35. I love hot pockets, and even more after I figured out how to cook them.
    The containers usually say “microwave for 2 minutes”, but that always leaves part of the insides charred and crunchy T.T
    So what I do is I microwave them for 1 minute, 40 seconds.
    No crunchy bits, it’s all cooked, and delicious after letting it sit and cool for another minute.
    Amazing what taking away just 20 seconds of nuking will do.

  36. Miles says:

    Man, use a toaster oven on the hot pockets, microwave them for about a minute, then toaster oven them to get them crisp outside and so that the heat is evenly distributed.
    I am a decent cook, and as the only male that can cook of our roommates, I am a valued member of my household.
    Even the stuff thazt I think could be better is often stated as “Those are the best steaks (or whatever) I’ve ever eaten!”
    Me: “Really? I mean they were okay, but I know they could have been better…”

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