#566 – Subtle

It’s a sad thing when I go take a bite out of some sort of crappy prepackaged food and find that it tastes more horrific than normal. That’s when I look at the package to see tiny little letters that spell out some sort of evil words like “lite” or “sugar free” or “reduced fat.” If I’m going through all that trouble to eat crappy food I want the full experience. All of the fake crap should have black and yellow caution tape wrapped across the center so I don’t accidentally purchase it thinking I’m getting real crap.

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42 thoughts on “#566 – Subtle”

  1. Zeusandhera says:

    Same with skim milk. You might as well be using water.

    1. fatemaster1 says:

      I think the term you’re looking for there is “skum milk”.

  2. john casey says:

    lol very good

  3. Eric says:

    They make caffeinated oatmeal?

  4. PsychoDuck says:

    @ Eric:

    No, “they” don’t. However, Biff does. He’s also putting serious consideration into labeling his homemade breakfast more clearly. It’s only a matter of time until he mistakes raisins for coffee beans.

    The Duck Has Spoken.

  5. starseedjenny says:

    I’m calling “mix-ups” week.

  6. Fafnir13 says:

    That…is a very strange place to realize your mistake…and for a nap.

  7. MadDavid says:

    If they’re caffinating water, why not oatmeal?

    And it’s only a matter of time before they come out with Decaffinated Water Joes.

  8. Torg says:

    What I hate is when they try to make something healthy that is by definition unhealthy. The two ultimate exercises in futility: the whole grain hot dog bun and organic popcorn.

    @Fafnir13: I think the nap was caused by the mistake.

  9. Izual Shima says:

    Oh maaan. It’s an epidemic, for sure.

    I’ve been told that, thanks to diet/lite/etc products having an even larger percentage of artificial components than usual, they’re a lot cheaper for the companies to produce. Yet they charge them more than normal stuff. Such is the policy…

    However, some products are aimed at the “super cheap” market, but not the “diet/lite” market. Those have the same cheaper ingredients, but try to hide the “diet/lite” label as much as possible (since it’s demanded by law, to be there).

    I only mistake them rarely, ‘cos I pay lots of attention to such things…
    But when it’s the elderly and/or poor-sighted in the household that go shopping, it gets troublesome.
    With the elderly especially, ‘cos they often fail to notice the difference even if the lettering is gigantic. We of newer generations are accustomed to detecting the tell-tale signs in color and design, I think…

    Thus, my household has a tendency to get an accidental diet/lite product at least once a month.

    I despise all such products, I believe they shouldn’t exist.
    But I gotta admit, I never had and never will have any sort of overweight. I cannot really decide for the millions of people that have to mind their weight every time they shop, cook and eat.

    @starseedjenny

    I’d daresay The Biff mixes up, or otherwise misplaces functionalities, all too often.
    Then again, I would probably be just as care-free about the consequences of my mix-ups, if I had Biff’s ability to come back whole a day after…

    Gotta love xkcd, btw (boom de yada)

  10. Chris says:

    I love the Google Ad running next to the comic. It’s a US FDA notice with a big red stamp across the front that says “Detained Label Violation”

  11. J says:

    Eric: If they have caffeinated gum, breath mints, candy, chap stick, and soap. are you really surprised that there would be caffeinated oatmeal?

  12. Micah says:

    Heh. I didn’t know there was such thing as caffeinated oatmeal. Is it coffee flavor.

  13. Micah says:

    Sorry. That should be a question mark at the end of “flavor.”

  14. HayleyJ says:

    haaah is it weird that I find it funny there is a coffee ad running down the side of this webpage??

  15. Seraphine says:

    gaa, i hate when packages are similar-looking
    and i buy the wrong one. i mean, give a color
    clue, or since the store knows *everything*
    about me anyway (thanks to it’s loyalty card),
    they should beep me a warning at the checkout
    when i choose a similar but obviously wrong item.

  16. MaskedMan says:

    Decafinated *anything* is an abomination. So are “lite” food products.

    Make it real, or don’t make it at all.

  17. Halo Chief says:

    Confusion Week?

  18. Josh says:

    “Caffeinated bacon? Baconated Grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?”

    And you can get caffeinated eye-drops as well…

  19. Speakerblast says:

    biff’s eyebrows sure are… bouyant

  20. Death to fat-free yoghurt. It is vile stuff.

    1. fatemaster1 says:

      I miss the days when yogurt used to have something like 15% or 25% milk fat in it, now the highest I can find is 11%.

  21. hogan says:

    Caffeinated oatmeal? And I thought regular oatmeal sent me to the bathroom… Come to think of it, so does coffee. But I never considered mixing the two. That could be epic and/or horrible.

  22. A mad Scientist says:

    Salad bar… Fat-free Ranch Dressing… >.< BAAAD Memories.

    And now I feel I must caffeinate some oatmeal.

  23. no name says:

    Definitely Mix-Ups Week. And since when do snorkles work underwater?…

    I know, I know, Biffland.

  24. LaughingFox says:

    Wait…I don’t get it. What does the oatmeal have to do with water?

  25. Dzelda says:

    Wow, isnt Biff gonna drown now?

    I dont get caffeine, which is why when I go to sleep, “dying” is the definitive word for my sleepin g and waking hours. Chris should do a comic where Biff breaks the alarm clock for waking him up an “hour early” when its really time to get up. Heck knows it happens to me alot.

  26. We have a box of caffeinated oatmeal in the cabinet right now! Used to have 3. It makes me happy in the morning.
    No idea why Biff is underwater. Maybe his house flooded?
    Barq’s diet root beer: WAY too similar packaging! 2 liter bottle. Yuck.

  27. Zaffa says:

    Nahh, its cos Biff took the decaffeinated oatmeal, which didn`t give him enough energy to keep going when he was swimming in the ocean…
    Wow, that seems like a complex explanation for a Biff comic.

  28. William Syler says:

    For all those who dont get it Biff had decaf oatmeal before he went snorkeling, and because it was decaf he got tired and needed a nap…poor
    Biff…
    And I have a new theory. Biff’s eyebrows grant him invinicibility! Sweet.

  29. trevor says:

    (in response to the description)
    Such language! In a high class establishment such as this!

  30. CrazyTrayne says:

    I just googled “Caffeinated Oatmeal”, and there’s one brand: Morning Spark. Also, I’m a long time reader, first time commenter. Hi!

  31. Eleanor says:

    *brandishes caution tape* Now I’m gonna have to go and raid the supermarket, putting this all over the diet stuff.

  32. El pinguino bilingue says:

    at Chimera Dragonfang

    my family just pumps it full of whip cream, and the extra fatty kind.

  33. Boumama says:

    low fat and all that stuff does a mild number on my fiance’s digestion…and that was BEFORE Splenda. I have no problems with the stuff, but poor Dif can’t ingest the littlest amount of sucralose without it tearing his guts up.

  34. TheGSE says:

    I just buy the cheapest Shift there is, and damn the taste! At least I’m acquiring sustenance.

  35. Deteramot says:

    I think the most ironic happening is when somebody claims that diet stuff is healthier for you. It’s got three times more chemicals, also about an equal amount more sugar.

  36. rsquared says:

    As a grocery-store checker, whenever people bought caffeine-free Mountain Dew I would ask, before ringing it up, if they knew it was caffeine-free. Eight of ten people would say “Oh! I grabbed the wrong thing!”, one would say, “Yeah, I know”, and one would get mad at me, “Of course I know! Do you think I’m an idiot?”

  37. mrmeval says:

    This is odd. I’ve found out that instant oatmeal tastes really good if you add enough coffee to it to darken it and enough sugar to balance the bitterness. NOT STARBUCKS, that isn’t coffee. Brazilian Bom Dia brand works.

    1. fatemaster1 says:

      Have you tried brown sugar? It’s both darkens and sweetens at the same time, no coffee required.

  38. Miles says:

    The tricksy Coca Cola company! Lately the 12 pack boxes of Cherry Coke look like they should be for the normal Cherry Coke, and the regular Coke looks like the white boxes that the diet used to come in. When ever purchasing Coca Cola products, I must be sure to use extra caution now.
    Also I have no idea why they redesigned the stupid 12 pack boxes (I know it was years ago) to supposed ‘fridge boxes’. They’re the same width and the old style worked better for me and made less noise.

  39. Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos says:

    Imknow I HATE those diet foods. They’re full of chemicals to try to replace high calorie ingredients… they always fail and it’s never worth it.

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