Reminds me of the industrial TP dispensers at work… Must be a couple hundred yards of TP on each roll…
Worst place to suddenly run out? Hmmm. Middle of a camping trip in the desert. Not fun. Much pointing of fingers and yelling at guilty party (not me, thankfully!)
The worst place I’ve ever ran out of TP was an ex girlfriends house. Work isn’t so bad, just call the front counter and have them bring a fresh roll back.
Well, I went on a campout with my scout troop once, right? No one, at all, period brought toilet paper, except for our sadistic scout master. In order to drive home the first basic rule of camping (always bring toilet paper), he charged us three bucks a roll. Knowing that this was the beginning of a full week of camping, we knew we couldn’t afford to share.
Now, one guy wasn’t going to accept getting conned by our scout master, so he decided that leaves would do just fine. Naturally, and to this camper’s misery, the first (maybe second) time he had to take a poo, he wiped his bum with a toxic plant. We assume it was poison ivy. This guy had to be sent home, for obvious reasons.
Our scout master gave us back our $3 at the end of the campout, and reminded us to bring toilet paper next time. Turns out we didn’t have to bother. The poison ivy guy brought three full, I think it was 24 packs, of toilet paper. For obvious reasons.
Girl’s bathroom at my elementary school NEVER had toilet paper.
But that wasn’t the bad part, because I learned how to adapt. I don’t remember how. I just know it wasn’t a big problem for me.
No. There was something worse than no toilet paper.
You see, at one point, the school had an extra set of bathrooms put in. No one cared that everything was shiny, new, clean, and more convenient for people in that area.
No, everyone was impressed because there was actually soap in the dispensers. Seriously, we were impressed that a bathroom had soap.
Of course, once it ran out, it was never refilled. We kept hoping, and going back to that one bathroom (even if it was out of the way), but the dispensers remained empty.
My grandpa was in the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere. He took a dump and then searched around for a large leaf with which to wipe. He found one, wiped, and realized, too late, that it was stinging nettle.
Yeah, well, we gotta wipe every time we pee. Damn you men with your convenient appendages. Nature is so unfair, all I got was childbearing hips, what in hell is that useful for?
umm… worst situation I’ve been in is your average noTP one. no immense deal. THAT TP, on the other hand is immense. and if you must know, he’s checking the blueprints of his house in the hope he can escape, as he’s managed to barricade himself in there by blocking the door with TP. At least he might not die of thirst O.o
Biff’s got the right idea here. I always try to be the most efficient I can with things like haircuts and going to the grocery store, so that I have to do them as infrequently as I can. I’m one of those guys who does the laundry in nothing but his pajama pants, just to ensure that every article of clothing possible gets washed at once.
Biff, please don’t light any candles… that is a massive fire hazard waiting to happen.
I used to be in the boy scouts as a kid, and the worst experience ever was being out on a wilderness camping trip and having everyone simultaneously realize that no one brought any TP after we’d just hiked 15 miles to the camp site. Nobody was willing to hike another 30 miles (there and back again) just to get any, either.
At least there were a lot of leaves around…
@UrbanWildCat
I too have noticed the large amount of TP that females use, it’s ridiculous
@HoleyJo
Just because you wipe everytime you pee doesn’t mean you need to use 18 sheets. For some strange reason, even as a guy, I’ve developed into wiping as well when I pee. But I don’t use 18 sheets, just one or two is plenty.
I’d have to say the worst place I’ve been stuck without TP was at the house of a friend’s friend.
After a fruitless search of their bathroom I found out that they had all left to go to the store…to buy TP.
Longest wait of my life.
University… I usually only go at home, but I was doing an all nighter and went to the bathroom to find no toilet paper. I had to shuffle to the next stall and hope no one comes in…
I always take some tissues with me now, just in case.
@UrbanWildCat: It’s because of how they use it. My old girlfriend took two pieces of like double or triple layered and folded it, wiped once and discarded. This happened a few times, then she was done. Mind, this was when you took a pee.
While drunk at a fraternity party. It was weird because the house was a huge converted mansion and walls had been taken down which left the toilet in the middle of a huge bedroom.
Anyone ever bought a roll of TP so big that it didn’t fit on your dispenser, and you had to either sit it on the back of the toilet or buy one of those extenders that makes it fit?
Biff would need a really big extender, as his toilet is clearly not big enough to hold it.
@Plankster: That’s horrible. Those things are always disgusting.
Oh man, once I was in the car, heading back home at midnight (four hour drive, went to visit D.C. for three days) and while I was on the highway, I suddenly realized I had to go really bad and if I held it for two more minutes I wouldn’t be able to resist anymore. I stopped, went to the woods 20 feet back from the road, and I was halfway through, when I realized there was no TP…I had to use a map of Virginia.
That’s really never happened to me… except in my own bathroom for the most part. There may have been one or two times publicly, but it was always in a rest stop type of place with the family, so my mom could lend me some of her’s from the next stall over. Victory!
*Sighs* I would like to relate a slightly disturbing story.
It was years ago. I was like 8… We went camping, and it was all fun. ‘Cept there were a few people whose parents always call them “fun little troublemakers”, and the rest of us call “royal pains in the ass”…
So I go to the bathroom, and it turns out these dicks had stuffed EVERY. SINGLE. Freaking toilet full of toilet paper. This had a few disgusting consequences. For one, I couldn’t damn wipe. And the second, when I was doin my business they come into the bathroom (there were like 5 toilets), and flush all of them. And, since nobody had been able to flush for a few days because of them, there was a rather nasty mess. And I couldn’t f***ing leave, because… *coughs* of obvious reasons.
Hours later my parents found me in the bathroom, standing on the toilet, with my shirt pulled over my nose, and the floor covered in crap. Of course, the god damn park ranger says I was one of the idiots who blocked the drains… So GUESS WHO GOT TO CLEAN THE CRAP UP??? Me, obviously. *Shudders* One of my worst memories.
my worst experience without toilet paper was when i had diareaha and was sick, I threw up and went in my pants while throwing up, there was no toilet paper, so i had to walk across the hall ( in soiled pajamas) at two in the morning, to find there was no toilet paper in the closet, so i walked to the kitchen to get tissues and walked back to cleen up mess .
In Hawaii, we realized that the room we had rented had no toilet paper, and we had no idea where we could get some, we couldn’t find any stores. So when we went out to dinner later, my mom went into the bathroom there and stuffed her purse full of toilet paper. There must have been half a roll in her purse! Needless to say, it lasted until we found the store the next day.
women use TP double what men do, because they have no choice……
and if your so bothered bout women using TP more, then never get a girlfriend/fiancee/wife. just stay single and alone: problem solved
Worst place, is always at someones house you don’t know very well… wondering where they stash their rolls of TP.. and you do’nt want to ask a stranger to help you out.
@cthul
you’d need a catapult to tp a house with that, and if you had one, you’d probably have much better plans in innd than just tping.
My own idea would be to go to the zoo, and pay the elephant s**t cleaner to fill up a small dumpster, rent a forklift, and load the catapult up. i think we’d need the factory direct to clean OURSELVES up after firing. h8 to be the guy we aimed for.
or the worlds largest paper bag.
I got stuck with no TP while sitting in a bathroom at a public library. I happened to have been wearing shorts at the time, so I wasn’t about to take the risk that I’d be dropping crap as I walked out.
Luckily, the bathroom was completely empty. So, I flush and shuffle to the next stall hoping no one comes in at that moment and sees a nude 12-year-old boy in desperate need of TP. Guess what?
Some idiot locked the stall and left it that way. I shuffle over to the handicapped stall, find no TP in there either (I pity any handicapped dudes in that situation) and as I’m not about to slide under the stall door and get all manner of crap (not literally, but quite possibly) on me, I decide to be more daring.
Lucky for me, there’s a city newspaper published by a quasi-governmental organization that is kept on a rack just outside the door to the bathroom. I was forced to open the door, hiding all but my head behind the door before managing to snatch one and saving myself from the ignominy of crap-filled shorts while walking home from the library.
venture campout, over in tenessee. we were hiking through some national park (cant remember which one) on an overnight campout, hiking backpacks and tents and all. no bathrooms :/
At camp this last summer. Porta potty kinda thing. You wanna avoid the ones up by the cabins like the plague, but seriously there was no toilet paper and it was the middle of the night. I stole some from the boys’ side XD
Several years ago, I had a medical problem (which I won’t go into here)that had me going to different doctors several times a week. At one point, one doctor decided I must have a “silent kidney stone” (I’ve known two guys with kidney stones, and trust me, there’s nothing silent about them), and sent me to the local radiology center of the hospital for a pyleogram, which is where they inject you with radioactive dye and they then take x-rays to see where all the dye goes.
Before I had to have this done, the night before, I was given a little kit to take home with me. Apparently, the dye didn’t work too well if you were full of crap, so I had a little metallic envelope filled with this powder that was an industrial-strength laxative. I was directed to go straight home, mix the powder with some drink, chug it, then, for the rest of the night, be within easy sprinting distance of a bathroom.
So I took the drink and waited…and waited….and waited. Nothing was happening. This must be not too uncommon, because also with my little kit were two tiny tablets. If the powder didn’t start making you crap uncontrollably within 2 hours, I was to take one of the pills. If another hour passed and still nothing was happening, I was to take the other pill, and that would, of course, work.
It didn’t. I’d eaten well that day, so it wasn’t a case of, there was nothing there. I remember telling my BF to sleep on the couch that night, because I was seriously worried that the laxatives would kick in while I was sleeping, and I wanted to spare him from the fecal explosion.
I woke up early the next day, and wouldn’t you know, still nothing? Usually, in the morning, the first cigarette of the day got things moving nicely. Unfortunately, that was one of the banned things for that morning (no eating, no drinking if at all possible, or only water if you just had to, and no smoking).
A friend took me to radiology, where I tell them the stuff didn’t work, so don’t yell at me if you can’t see anything. I get dressed in a hospital gown and lie down on the table. They put a heparin lock in a vein of my arm, and then go off to get the dye.
No joke, they showed up with a syringe about the size and shape of a Pringles can. My jaw dropped and I said, “You’re not injecting all of that into me, right?” I started to be relieved when they said “No,” and really freaked when they said, “We’ll be injecting three of these into you,”
They slowly injected the first syringe into my vein. I don’t know how it did this, but it literally went straight into my bladder. I went from empty bladder to “must pee NOW” in the ten seconds it took for them to inject this. I asked to go to the bathroom, and they said, no, as they were beginning to shoot images. Then it was time for the second syringe of dye. After this one, I had to puke. Bad. I could tell this wasn’t just nausea that would go away, it would only be relieved by vomiting. I asked again if I could go to the bathroom, and again, they said no, still shooting.
I guess I should have expected where the third dye dose would go, but I didn’t. All of a sudden, I had to take a dump worse than I’d ever had to before in my life. I could also feel that the laxatives had decided to do their job at the exact same moment. I was shaking so hard, and crying (closed mouthed to stop immanent pukage). I literally felt like I was going to explode. I had to stay like that for another few minutes while they finished up. don’t know how I managed to not disgrace myself there. As soon as they said to get up, I was in the bathroom. I don’t remember covering the space between the room and the bathroom, I was just there. As I was slamming my butt into position, I grabbed the litle wastebasket that was in the corner, and then, for five minutes, pissed, crapped and puked, all at the same time.
After I was sure I was empty (and probably ten pounds lighter), I put my clothes on and crawled out to the waiting room. My friend, alarmed at how bad I looked, said that I could stay with him and his roommate until mty boyfriend got off work. Sure, I said. I was sure I was done. I mean, I couldn’t have anything else left in me, right?
My friend and his roommate had to go to another town about 50 miles away for something, so I went with them. Big mistake. Halfway there, I started puking, and I had to heave into an old Wal-Mart bag that I found on the floor, and they were frantically trying to find a gas station, as we were literally in the middle of nowhere. A Texaco came up over a hill, and we went straight there. Thank God it was not one of those ones they lock and you have to get the key from the attendant, or I’d have ruined my clothes.
After I get done hosing the dye out of my behind, I reached behind me to flush the toilet and….nothing happened. Nothing at all. I won’t go into detail, but I’d pretty much doubled the volume of fluid that had been in the bowl before I sat down, and it was really, really bad, not to mention slightly radioactive. I kept trying to flush, but nothing happened. I hate it when someone goes to a public bathroom and leaves their wastes behind without flushing, but I had no choice.
When I got out of the bathroom, I went over to tell the attendant the bathroom needed help, big time. He was busy flirting with two girls and he didn’t seem to appreciate the gravity of the situation. I mean, I just left a BIOHAZARD in the bathroom, and he was looking at me like I was a prima donna about the whole thing. We just left. I hope he got devoured by the radioactive poop Godzilla that likely emerged.
The worst part was later that day, when I called my mom to tell her what was up. If I could have strangled her through the phone I would have, as she told me, “Yeah, I had the same problem when I had an angiogram done. I had this delayed reaction to the laxatives, and I got really sick from the dye.” Nice of her to tell me this AFTER my tests, instead of before.
And then it turned out the whole medical problem was caused by a withdrawal off one of my medications, and the problem was solved by a month’s worth of the Pill. I never needed the pyleogram (or the camera up the bladder I got a few days later when the pyleogram came up negative), dye or laxatives in the first place, and it took something like 6 different doctors before one of them figured this out.
two years ago i went out drinking with a friend, drunk as hell we came back to the we planned to sleep – my car, parked in a quite big parking house – luckily one with a (rather clean) toilet… in the morning i woke up with quite a hangover and had to take a dump… i went to the toilet in the parking house – horrified as there was no toilet paper anywhere – i went back to the car and searched it for anything useful… i ended up using a few bandages from my first aid kit 😛
i know EXACTLY how you felt shawna….. when doctors start hooking you up to FIRE HOSES full of stuff its like all your bodily functions go from zero to mach 5 instantly…. you showed more self control than i did in a similar situation… i snapped at the radiology guy and just pushed pasted him and ran to the restroom so fast i think i came close to teleportation
@Urbanwildcat & others: I beg to differ. I, as a lady, can cope with one roll of toilet paper even two or three weeks. When my boyfriend visits me, though, one roll is almost through in a weekend. And i’s not like he visited the bathroom any more often than I do. -__-
The worst place I have been when I realized that there was no toilet paper? My old job… I used to be a janitor at a McDonald’s on the highway, so that meant part of my job was to replace the tp I was in urgent need of.
Bathroom week?
On the toilet.
Oh my. That’s quite a large roll. And Biff seems to be fully recovered from his decapitation.
I think it’s hygiene week.
Reminds me of the industrial TP dispensers at work… Must be a couple hundred yards of TP on each roll…
Worst place to suddenly run out? Hmmm. Middle of a camping trip in the desert. Not fun. Much pointing of fingers and yelling at guilty party (not me, thankfully!)
Trevor, nail clipping and lotion don’t necessarily have to do with the bathroom. I think it’s personal hygiene week.
The worst place I’ve ever ran out of TP was an ex girlfriends house. Work isn’t so bad, just call the front counter and have them bring a fresh roll back.
Well, I went on a campout with my scout troop once, right? No one, at all, period brought toilet paper, except for our sadistic scout master. In order to drive home the first basic rule of camping (always bring toilet paper), he charged us three bucks a roll. Knowing that this was the beginning of a full week of camping, we knew we couldn’t afford to share.
Now, one guy wasn’t going to accept getting conned by our scout master, so he decided that leaves would do just fine. Naturally, and to this camper’s misery, the first (maybe second) time he had to take a poo, he wiped his bum with a toxic plant. We assume it was poison ivy. This guy had to be sent home, for obvious reasons.
Our scout master gave us back our $3 at the end of the campout, and reminded us to bring toilet paper next time. Turns out we didn’t have to bother. The poison ivy guy brought three full, I think it was 24 packs, of toilet paper. For obvious reasons.
If only i could buy factory direct ^_^
I don’t think that i had ever gone to a place where the TP is missing, Lucky me XD
Girl’s bathroom at my elementary school NEVER had toilet paper.
But that wasn’t the bad part, because I learned how to adapt. I don’t remember how. I just know it wasn’t a big problem for me.
No. There was something worse than no toilet paper.
You see, at one point, the school had an extra set of bathrooms put in. No one cared that everything was shiny, new, clean, and more convenient for people in that area.
No, everyone was impressed because there was actually soap in the dispensers. Seriously, we were impressed that a bathroom had soap.
Of course, once it ran out, it was never refilled. We kept hoping, and going back to that one bathroom (even if it was out of the way), but the dispensers remained empty.
Thank God I wasn’t germaphobic back then.
My grandpa was in the middle of a field in the middle of nowhere. He took a dump and then searched around for a large leaf with which to wipe. He found one, wiped, and realized, too late, that it was stinging nettle.
dude… i wish i could buy a roll of tp that big. it’d totally fit my lazy college lifestyle.
how dose he git it in the door?
Wasn’t there already a panel called Grande?
For some reason I don’t think it’ll last that long.
People! think of the TPing possibilities! You could get like four houses in one go with a roll that big.
This comic is proof that there is no Mrs Biff. There’s no way that roll would last a year if there was a lady using it.
I swear, they must back up to the roll and start feeding it through into the bowl, they go through it so fast.
Yeah, well, we gotta wipe every time we pee. Damn you men with your convenient appendages. Nature is so unfair, all I got was childbearing hips, what in hell is that useful for?
umm… worst situation I’ve been in is your average noTP one. no immense deal. THAT TP, on the other hand is immense. and if you must know, he’s checking the blueprints of his house in the hope he can escape, as he’s managed to barricade himself in there by blocking the door with TP. At least he might not die of thirst O.o
Biff’s got the right idea here. I always try to be the most efficient I can with things like haircuts and going to the grocery store, so that I have to do them as infrequently as I can. I’m one of those guys who does the laundry in nothing but his pajama pants, just to ensure that every article of clothing possible gets washed at once.
Worst place? I got stuck in one of those nasty outhouse things in a State Park once. It smelled bad, and I had NO idea where I could get toilet paper.
Worst place was a friend’s house. No problem, I think, I know they keep it under the sink right next to the toilet. “Oh, carp! They’re out!”
WAY embarrassing to have to crack the door open and shout down the hall to the living room where the weekly D&D game was in full progress.
Biff, please don’t light any candles… that is a massive fire hazard waiting to happen.
I used to be in the boy scouts as a kid, and the worst experience ever was being out on a wilderness camping trip and having everyone simultaneously realize that no one brought any TP after we’d just hiked 15 miles to the camp site. Nobody was willing to hike another 30 miles (there and back again) just to get any, either.
At least there were a lot of leaves around…
My place because I usually don’t realize it until after I’m done. I think “Crap! What am I gonna do?!”
@UrbanWildCat
I too have noticed the large amount of TP that females use, it’s ridiculous
@HoleyJo
Just because you wipe everytime you pee doesn’t mean you need to use 18 sheets. For some strange reason, even as a guy, I’ve developed into wiping as well when I pee. But I don’t use 18 sheets, just one or two is plenty.
I’d have to say the worst place I’ve been stuck without TP was at the house of a friend’s friend.
After a fruitless search of their bathroom I found out that they had all left to go to the store…to buy TP.
Longest wait of my life.
@ Armentia
Agreed xD
University… I usually only go at home, but I was doing an all nighter and went to the bathroom to find no toilet paper. I had to shuffle to the next stall and hope no one comes in…
I always take some tissues with me now, just in case.
@UrbanWildCat: It’s because of how they use it. My old girlfriend took two pieces of like double or triple layered and folded it, wiped once and discarded. This happened a few times, then she was done. Mind, this was when you took a pee.
almost every “third-world” public toilet has no toilet paper.
it’s an axiom: when you need it most, it isn’t there.
Greatness! That’s a nice one today!
While drunk at a fraternity party. It was weird because the house was a huge converted mansion and walls had been taken down which left the toilet in the middle of a huge bedroom.
@Julie: Interesting observation. Does anyone else feel weird using the bathroom in wide open spaces?
Anyone ever bought a roll of TP so big that it didn’t fit on your dispenser, and you had to either sit it on the back of the toilet or buy one of those extenders that makes it fit?
Biff would need a really big extender, as his toilet is clearly not big enough to hold it.
@Plankster: That’s horrible. Those things are always disgusting.
@tpiro
Yes, it feels like my privacy is being invaded in a way. It also freaks me out when there are two doors to the bathroom. O_o
Running out of tp has never really been a problem for me.. mostly ’cause pantyliners save the day. xD
Oh man, once I was in the car, heading back home at midnight (four hour drive, went to visit D.C. for three days) and while I was on the highway, I suddenly realized I had to go really bad and if I held it for two more minutes I wouldn’t be able to resist anymore. I stopped, went to the woods 20 feet back from the road, and I was halfway through, when I realized there was no TP…I had to use a map of Virginia.
I would probably say the bathroom. Where else would one use TP?
@steve-o
E-ew… bye-bye map! o_o
That’s really never happened to me… except in my own bathroom for the most part. There may have been one or two times publicly, but it was always in a rest stop type of place with the family, so my mom could lend me some of her’s from the next stall over. Victory!
thats hilarious steve-o
I see Biff enjoys Green Construncition Paper Stapled Together Monthly
I’ve got a better question: What’s the worst place you’ve taken a dump the size of Delaware(I’m exaggerating), and then overflowed the commode?
*Sighs* I would like to relate a slightly disturbing story.
It was years ago. I was like 8… We went camping, and it was all fun. ‘Cept there were a few people whose parents always call them “fun little troublemakers”, and the rest of us call “royal pains in the ass”…
So I go to the bathroom, and it turns out these dicks had stuffed EVERY. SINGLE. Freaking toilet full of toilet paper. This had a few disgusting consequences. For one, I couldn’t damn wipe. And the second, when I was doin my business they come into the bathroom (there were like 5 toilets), and flush all of them. And, since nobody had been able to flush for a few days because of them, there was a rather nasty mess. And I couldn’t f***ing leave, because… *coughs* of obvious reasons.
Hours later my parents found me in the bathroom, standing on the toilet, with my shirt pulled over my nose, and the floor covered in crap. Of course, the god damn park ranger says I was one of the idiots who blocked the drains… So GUESS WHO GOT TO CLEAN THE CRAP UP??? Me, obviously. *Shudders* One of my worst memories.
my worst experience without toilet paper was when i had diareaha and was sick, I threw up and went in my pants while throwing up, there was no toilet paper, so i had to walk across the hall ( in soiled pajamas) at two in the morning, to find there was no toilet paper in the closet, so i walked to the kitchen to get tissues and walked back to cleen up mess .
@cedar: That’s awful! Far worse than my story. I don’t even feel like I should tell it now…
I think, a McDonalds, during the lunch rush that happens around 11 or 12 in the afternoon, and it was packed. Plus the bathroom looked nasty.
Worst place? Confessional booth in boston. Shortly thereafter I found out it was not a bathroom either.
Pretty much the same as Josh Rees.
I never actually had this problem. However, I’ve been backpacking, and I’ve met my fair share of mosquitoes in my life…
It’s totally going to suck when the roll gets thinner, and Biff has to reach 5 feet to grab the paper.
Joe Mac, I don’t think Biff is going to have to worry about that for quite a while.
In Hawaii, we realized that the room we had rented had no toilet paper, and we had no idea where we could get some, we couldn’t find any stores. So when we went out to dinner later, my mom went into the bathroom there and stuffed her purse full of toilet paper. There must have been half a roll in her purse! Needless to say, it lasted until we found the store the next day.
i must admit i agree with HoleyJo
women use TP double what men do, because they have no choice……
and if your so bothered bout women using TP more, then never get a girlfriend/fiancee/wife. just stay single and alone: problem solved
Worst place, is always at someones house you don’t know very well… wondering where they stash their rolls of TP.. and you do’nt want to ask a stranger to help you out.
@cthul
you’d need a catapult to tp a house with that, and if you had one, you’d probably have much better plans in innd than just tping.
My own idea would be to go to the zoo, and pay the elephant s**t cleaner to fill up a small dumpster, rent a forklift, and load the catapult up. i think we’d need the factory direct to clean OURSELVES up after firing. h8 to be the guy we aimed for.
or the worlds largest paper bag.
and @steve-o
virginia probly deserved it.
@colin- strangely enough, The cops stopped me for speeding when I was going UNDER the speed limit and ABOVE the slow limit.
Oy, bad memories.
I got stuck with no TP while sitting in a bathroom at a public library. I happened to have been wearing shorts at the time, so I wasn’t about to take the risk that I’d be dropping crap as I walked out.
Luckily, the bathroom was completely empty. So, I flush and shuffle to the next stall hoping no one comes in at that moment and sees a nude 12-year-old boy in desperate need of TP. Guess what?
Some idiot locked the stall and left it that way. I shuffle over to the handicapped stall, find no TP in there either (I pity any handicapped dudes in that situation) and as I’m not about to slide under the stall door and get all manner of crap (not literally, but quite possibly) on me, I decide to be more daring.
Lucky for me, there’s a city newspaper published by a quasi-governmental organization that is kept on a rack just outside the door to the bathroom. I was forced to open the door, hiding all but my head behind the door before managing to snatch one and saving myself from the ignominy of crap-filled shorts while walking home from the library.
venture campout, over in tenessee. we were hiking through some national park (cant remember which one) on an overnight campout, hiking backpacks and tents and all. no bathrooms :/
At camp this last summer. Porta potty kinda thing. You wanna avoid the ones up by the cabins like the plague, but seriously there was no toilet paper and it was the middle of the night. I stole some from the boys’ side XD
Several years ago, I had a medical problem (which I won’t go into here)that had me going to different doctors several times a week. At one point, one doctor decided I must have a “silent kidney stone” (I’ve known two guys with kidney stones, and trust me, there’s nothing silent about them), and sent me to the local radiology center of the hospital for a pyleogram, which is where they inject you with radioactive dye and they then take x-rays to see where all the dye goes.
Before I had to have this done, the night before, I was given a little kit to take home with me. Apparently, the dye didn’t work too well if you were full of crap, so I had a little metallic envelope filled with this powder that was an industrial-strength laxative. I was directed to go straight home, mix the powder with some drink, chug it, then, for the rest of the night, be within easy sprinting distance of a bathroom.
So I took the drink and waited…and waited….and waited. Nothing was happening. This must be not too uncommon, because also with my little kit were two tiny tablets. If the powder didn’t start making you crap uncontrollably within 2 hours, I was to take one of the pills. If another hour passed and still nothing was happening, I was to take the other pill, and that would, of course, work.
It didn’t. I’d eaten well that day, so it wasn’t a case of, there was nothing there. I remember telling my BF to sleep on the couch that night, because I was seriously worried that the laxatives would kick in while I was sleeping, and I wanted to spare him from the fecal explosion.
I woke up early the next day, and wouldn’t you know, still nothing? Usually, in the morning, the first cigarette of the day got things moving nicely. Unfortunately, that was one of the banned things for that morning (no eating, no drinking if at all possible, or only water if you just had to, and no smoking).
A friend took me to radiology, where I tell them the stuff didn’t work, so don’t yell at me if you can’t see anything. I get dressed in a hospital gown and lie down on the table. They put a heparin lock in a vein of my arm, and then go off to get the dye.
No joke, they showed up with a syringe about the size and shape of a Pringles can. My jaw dropped and I said, “You’re not injecting all of that into me, right?” I started to be relieved when they said “No,” and really freaked when they said, “We’ll be injecting three of these into you,”
They slowly injected the first syringe into my vein. I don’t know how it did this, but it literally went straight into my bladder. I went from empty bladder to “must pee NOW” in the ten seconds it took for them to inject this. I asked to go to the bathroom, and they said, no, as they were beginning to shoot images. Then it was time for the second syringe of dye. After this one, I had to puke. Bad. I could tell this wasn’t just nausea that would go away, it would only be relieved by vomiting. I asked again if I could go to the bathroom, and again, they said no, still shooting.
I guess I should have expected where the third dye dose would go, but I didn’t. All of a sudden, I had to take a dump worse than I’d ever had to before in my life. I could also feel that the laxatives had decided to do their job at the exact same moment. I was shaking so hard, and crying (closed mouthed to stop immanent pukage). I literally felt like I was going to explode. I had to stay like that for another few minutes while they finished up. don’t know how I managed to not disgrace myself there. As soon as they said to get up, I was in the bathroom. I don’t remember covering the space between the room and the bathroom, I was just there. As I was slamming my butt into position, I grabbed the litle wastebasket that was in the corner, and then, for five minutes, pissed, crapped and puked, all at the same time.
After I was sure I was empty (and probably ten pounds lighter), I put my clothes on and crawled out to the waiting room. My friend, alarmed at how bad I looked, said that I could stay with him and his roommate until mty boyfriend got off work. Sure, I said. I was sure I was done. I mean, I couldn’t have anything else left in me, right?
My friend and his roommate had to go to another town about 50 miles away for something, so I went with them. Big mistake. Halfway there, I started puking, and I had to heave into an old Wal-Mart bag that I found on the floor, and they were frantically trying to find a gas station, as we were literally in the middle of nowhere. A Texaco came up over a hill, and we went straight there. Thank God it was not one of those ones they lock and you have to get the key from the attendant, or I’d have ruined my clothes.
After I get done hosing the dye out of my behind, I reached behind me to flush the toilet and….nothing happened. Nothing at all. I won’t go into detail, but I’d pretty much doubled the volume of fluid that had been in the bowl before I sat down, and it was really, really bad, not to mention slightly radioactive. I kept trying to flush, but nothing happened. I hate it when someone goes to a public bathroom and leaves their wastes behind without flushing, but I had no choice.
When I got out of the bathroom, I went over to tell the attendant the bathroom needed help, big time. He was busy flirting with two girls and he didn’t seem to appreciate the gravity of the situation. I mean, I just left a BIOHAZARD in the bathroom, and he was looking at me like I was a prima donna about the whole thing. We just left. I hope he got devoured by the radioactive poop Godzilla that likely emerged.
The worst part was later that day, when I called my mom to tell her what was up. If I could have strangled her through the phone I would have, as she told me, “Yeah, I had the same problem when I had an angiogram done. I had this delayed reaction to the laxatives, and I got really sick from the dye.” Nice of her to tell me this AFTER my tests, instead of before.
And then it turned out the whole medical problem was caused by a withdrawal off one of my medications, and the problem was solved by a month’s worth of the Pill. I never needed the pyleogram (or the camera up the bladder I got a few days later when the pyleogram came up negative), dye or laxatives in the first place, and it took something like 6 different doctors before one of them figured this out.
two years ago i went out drinking with a friend, drunk as hell we came back to the we planned to sleep – my car, parked in a quite big parking house – luckily one with a (rather clean) toilet… in the morning i woke up with quite a hangover and had to take a dump… i went to the toilet in the parking house – horrified as there was no toilet paper anywhere – i went back to the car and searched it for anything useful… i ended up using a few bandages from my first aid kit 😛
i know EXACTLY how you felt shawna….. when doctors start hooking you up to FIRE HOSES full of stuff its like all your bodily functions go from zero to mach 5 instantly…. you showed more self control than i did in a similar situation… i snapped at the radiology guy and just pushed pasted him and ran to the restroom so fast i think i came close to teleportation
@Urbanwildcat & others: I beg to differ. I, as a lady, can cope with one roll of toilet paper even two or three weeks. When my boyfriend visits me, though, one roll is almost through in a weekend. And i’s not like he visited the bathroom any more often than I do. -__-
the worst place?… a mile into the woods… i had to use some big leaves, i was deathly terrified of getting poision ivy on me.
The worst place I have been when I realized that there was no toilet paper? My old job… I used to be a janitor at a McDonald’s on the highway, so that meant part of my job was to replace the tp I was in urgent need of.