#220 – Intruder
Posted on April 9, 2007 at 12:00 am by Chris
Chapter: Comics
Sometimes I’ll be in bed just about to fall asleep when I hear a strange noise in the house. I wonder… is there someone breaking into my house? The first thing that I do is take a mental inventory of my bedroom. What do I have available to me that I can use to clobber or disable an intruder? I could bash the floor lamp into their face… maybe I could leap out of the room with a sideways kick and knock them backwards down the stairs… but then the sound doesn’t happen again and I fall asleep.
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YAY! first post!
Looks like Biff is in one sticky situation! har har har
Oh man, I totaly love it when that happens, once some people broke into my house and I got home and the door was all kicked in so I grabbed the cane I leave on my front porch (I have a bad leg and need a cain on rainy days) and walk in whilst they are in the midst of steeling my whole cd collection, so I start yelling at them and beating the crap out of them with my cain, fun times… They got away with all my dvd’s though, I saw them get into a car down the street, my dvds must have been in there 🙁
The same happens with me, although I have many sharp objects to stab into the faces of my would-be burglars.
Biff does the James Bond impression with a glue gun.
Nice.
If I had a glue gun I would be doing Bond impressions all day.
I think everyone does that, and then we all tend to go “Hahaha, isn’t that stupid?”, yet it’s probably an instinct that was once very needed.
Wouldn’t his mouth/eyebrows stick out over the sides of the corner?
~`O|O’~
~—~
‘Sposed to be a biff smiley
Hehehehe. Reminds me of when I was doing DIYwork on a house my parents had bought in Wales. Every night I’d go to bed with a crowbar or a hammer next to me because I heard noises every night… =]
what,did he modify his glue gun to a ten foot radius of searing hot glue going towards the enemy?
I just snorted some sugar!
I collect swords.
And axes.
But I dont want to get them rusty, I just keep a baseball bat next to me. Its one of the kiddy ones so I can swing it REALLY hard.
You know that same thing happens with me with all the mysterious noises.
Except the fact that one time when i had heard a noise in my house i fell right to sleep, the only problem was somone did break in and my dog met him at the window so now i keep a bat next to my bed now…
Great comic, that could scald you. :3
oh right and he was afraid of my dog and ran away if you wanted to know what happened.
I can imagine the results…a confused and glued burglar standing just outside the 6-foot radius as Biff strains on the cord like a chained dog…
Biff looks incredibly deadly.
Biff’s a glue gun sniper!
ha ha lol, PurpleKoopa,that was really funny
From what I have learned in life anything can be a weapon. Even mountain dew bottles believe it or not.
i may be reading too many webcomics because Biff is looking pretty sexy to me tonight. O.o
I just read the entire Biff archive. Mundane tasks will forever make me smile due to Biff’s exploits.
I was arrested for hitting a burglar with a golf club 🙁 I was released without charge, but that’s not the point, I defended my home, my mother and my younger sister, and I was arrested, British justice system is RIDICULOUS.
I have a golf club next to my bed.
I have two scalpels, I think I beat you.
i have i big heany metal flashlight nex to my bed
Heh. ‘Biff: Glue Gun of DOOM!’
I have a wall full of weapons, including a Turkish broadsword…but I can’t lift it. >.
its called the 4C magelight and the random asortment of weapons in my room. heck by the time I select a weapon the burglar will be gone
Hey, Hot Glue-Gun Glue freakin BURNS! The burny-ness stays even if you wipe the glue off TT
Yeah, but the glue after its dried is a load of freakin’ niftiness! (muwahahaha! I am the first to use ‘freakin” and ‘niftiness’ in the same sentence!)
I glued my fingers together with a hot glue gun once. It hurt.
meh, i ahve an axe next to my bed, i left it up in my room after i had chopped some wood and needed to change my clothes. so, if anyone wants to come, feel welcome, il be there >=)
Lol. This compels me to keep a deadly weapon next to my bed.
Well, I would rather get shot with a real firearm, it’s nothing compared to the burning pain you’d feel if you got completely covered in hot glue… So the glue gun could actually be more effective against burglars than the escrima sticks I use if somebody breaks in, hmm…….
Where the hell do you people live? And why can’t you just carry a gun like normal people?
Hello from Australia
If someone broke into my house I’d grab one of the bows we have (stored in the study of all places.) I think if a robber saw an angry me standing there with a real, working bow and arrow they’d be running pretty quickly, I don’t enjoy being woken up during the night. If someone broke into my room however I’d grab my shelves (A set of 4 shelves, each bigger than the one above it, they’re triangular and stand in the corner) I’d grab that and fling it over me, I don’t think they’re be conscience for long.
Biff is awesome, I’d use a hot glue gun if i had one, i used them last year at school in art, most people glued beads and stuff to their nails, ah, good times.
~God Bless~
~Kimbo~
My sword is kept in the living room, sadly… T_T
maybe I’d throw a cat at the burgler instead?
then again, we have an alarm system, so methinks breaking and entering quietly in the dead of night would be difficult.
Calan, I have to agree with you, Biff is sexy. too bad I’m a guy, lol, I’m pretty sure he isn’t gay (and neither am I, but he looks so cuddleable), though ya never know.
Glue guns are gravity-fed. If you actually held it up like that, the glue stick (followed shortly by the hot glue) will fall out the back. Did that when I was younger. Thank God it missed my arm.
Oh man, im my room, i have tons of stuff to fight off some intruder, pointy lead coated soldering irons, razor blade paint scrapers, hard drives for long range attacks (old 840Mb harddrives, havent gotten to pulling the magnets out yet), pointy curcuit boards, the solder remains could be used to cheesegrate a face, 2 20 or 10 pound dumbells, and an office orginazer full of pushpins and those little clipy things, oh, and a mini blowtorch. but i usually pass out before i do anything.
This happens to me all the timel, every single day. I sometimes get my BB gun and prepare for the intruder.
the hot glue guns we had werent gravity fed, they had these little pointy plates that grabbed the gluestick and pushed it into the melter thing, and the melted glue was still connected to the gluestick, so the stick wouldnt come out unless there was force, like me pulling on the stick to remove it
Gaaah, way to make me spray my drink all over the place! *sigh* Teaches me to have fluids around whilst reading….
Glue gun? What’s he gonna do? Glue him to death?
Actually I burnt my fingers (on both hands) using a glue gun. I was repairing my clay figures.
I have a sword under my bed, just in case.
Heheh, they just get funnier and funnier. 😀
I have several swords displayed on the wall in my bedroom, but I doubt I’d use any on an intruder (except the katar) as swinging a sword in tight quarters is trumped by a knife or gun.
Sounds like you need to get with the program and get a sword like the rest of us Chris.
When I was a child I touched an industrial strength hot glue gun and left most of the skin on my thumb on the metal. If I was the intruder I would turn around and leave.
Were it anyone other than Biff, I’d recommend a good handgun or a shotgun.
Burglars generally don’t like looking down the wrong end of a .45 or a 12-gauge.
Knowing Biff, however, he’d probably end up shooting his lava lamp or something.
You can see him eye that glue gun as if he isn’t sure if it’ll work…
In my room is a wooden walking stick, a cane, a juggling stick thingy, and a board i’m carving into a sword shape. I would give any burglar a splinter they woudn’t forget.
I keep a cat on my pillow. You should see the damage Fraggle can do when he gets thrown.
I have a small fruit knife. My parents thought it got thrown out.
Why does nobody reply to my comments? *curls up in fetal position and cries*
In my basement room I have a — I’m not really sure what it is, it’s a stick-thing a bit over a metre long and an inch in diameter. Near the bed in the basement (which I’m not currently sleeping on) I have a hammer. Oh, and all of Dad’s tools are downstairs too. In my UPSTAIRS room (I enjoy spreading my areas all over the place) I’ve a knife, maybe two, and another hammer.
I have a 2hand longsword and a 2piece dagger set next to my bed
🙂
So, is it just that Biff readers are weird and have a lot of weapons in their houses, or is everyone like that?
I can’t say a glue gun would be a bad weapon, even the “low-temp” variety glue guns can cause serious burns. The only concern would be the range. Even if you squeeze the trigger really hard, glue would likely not go more than about a foot. But imagine, you spray hot glue on a robber, he drops your stuff and starts screaming like a banshee. Muhahaha.
I personally have a katana in my closet, a wide variety of power tools in the basement, and a razor blade somewhere in my pencil case
I have a variety of blunt objects in my room most of which could easily cave a skull in, however any thief would probably be in more danger of tripping then impaling themselves on something in my disaster area of a room.
I have four katanas, a cane with a hidden blade, me & my brothers 2 longswords, and several daggers in my room. oh, and some rifles in the closet, because I think my swords look better on the gun rack. Of course, any intruder in my house would have to get past our mentally retarded chickens, border collie, always pissed off cat, and our pitbull who loves everyone and whose idea of love is biting off your face, first.
I just keep a katana next to my bed….
hunting knife and dagger im great at reverse hand so i can use them both at once
Katanas seem popular. I have one next to my bed too. It’s only a cheap showpiece though, so it would probably last only one strike…
This http://www.gateslinger.com/cas/win97.htm
With this
http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Pepperbag_20Shotgun_20Shells
If you nail the wrong person it’s ok, they should have KNOCKED.
Remington 870 FTW
Ruger .380 — beautiful, tiny, effective. Then again, I’m a Montanan, so having a gun in your bedroom is pretty commonplace here. But really, anything can be a weapon if you use it like one. Even a glue gun. Maybe.
I have katanas.
And a pistol.
And a tiger. (I have a permit to have one :D)
Oh, yeah… I also have a naginata.
i keep a pole about 3 ft long by my bed
I know for a fact that glue gun burns hurt like ****. Curse you and your love of getting the kids involved in complicated craft projects, Grandma!
I have a 5 foot hiking staff, a bb gun, and a pair of inter-sheathing katanas.
One day, I was sleeping, then I heard a loud “BASH!” noise. I woke up, grabbed my guitar, and then proceeded to beat the crap out of the burglar. His nose was bleeding and he almost cried. I feel bad for him today. Oh, and the poor guitar just didn’t survive 🙁
I prefer the unexpected. I have a 2-ft(ish) long old, rusty, dirty, bent iron bar. Not necessarily the most effective weapon but not one that the burglar expects either.
It is effective, very effective